Beautifully written

I was looking through past convos of me and my darling, and I somehow came across this little passage I sent to him. I cant really remember who was the writer to this passage, copying it here makes me feel like I am plagiarizing. :| Anyways, so here it is:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those are the sweetest words evaaa!!! ♥

Well yesterday I got pretty mad at you. I gotta admit that I was being really childish... TBH I dont act like that all the time, but sometimes I can't help it, everyone is a little selfish sometimes right? :x I should be understanding too. I am really sorry for being mad at you when I shouldn't have. You are sooo awesome!!! ♥

When I saw your FB message just now I am soooo extremely touched by your words. :D
This is what you said: *I had to write it out... Its so extremely sweet :')*

"I love you so much for caring so much about me. I love it and really appreciate it. Please dont think i dont. And baobei, it's not that I wont take care of you, it's that Im not literally there beside you, but I will still do everything I can for you my love. Eventhough you dont see me often, I hope you never forget how much I love you and even more love to care for you"

Darling, you're the best BF eva! & I love you heaps! :)

PS: I guess you're in SG right now. Gosh I miss having breakfast with you everyday. But I really can't wait to see you and spend time with you.... :DD Few more days babeh!! teheee ...

4 more days and i am finally 19

Amomgst the rest of my friends who are officially 19 or have been 19 4 quite sometime, I am finally turning 19 in 4 days time. My birthday wish? Nothing big, nothing difficult to be fulfilled. All I need is you, David Kee to be with me physically on my birthday. Thats all I need, but I guess that's pretty much impossible.

I really have no mood to celebrate my birthday at all. This pretty much sucks big time. :(:( arhh... :'(

Singapore Trip

I am back for good to continue blogging about the amazing trip I had in Singapore with David. ;)

To be frank, I've been living next to Singapore too long that I have never stayed there before, well, so the past few days were my first ever time residing in the Lion City. :D I stayed in Royal Plaza at Scotts Road with David and his mum. :D

this is the hotel.


Well, it was a 3 Day 2 Night trip. For the first day, my family drove me in, so basically I had the day out with them and David of course. My family's main objective to go in was just dropping me in, and take Rachel around Orchard Road to photograph the Christmas lights. We had heaps of time to kill, so we dropped by Bugis just to get some cheap deals. TBH, I despise walking on the streets of Bugis, I hate the crowd, I hate the bustle, I hate basically everything there. Except for SOME of the clothes. I managed to get 2 pieces of dress, a tie dye maxi and a striped short dress. After the long walk, we headed back to the hotel for a little meet and greet session with Aunty Christina. She is such a darling to invite us over to the lounge to have high tea. The food there were French Pastries, little chicken terriyaki pieces...etc... The food taste awesome. :) After enjoying awesome tea, we went walking around Orchard. :D So basically here are some pics from the trip. (pics of dav and I)





The second day was a chillax day for both of us. We had bfast then chilled in the room for awhile and off we go walking around SG. I bought a pair of MNG pants. AWESOME buy. :D after that, we had MOS burger for dinner! :D tehhee... I am so in love with the Yakitori Rice Burger. I so miss it now!! Pics of us having MOS burger.



After that back to the hotel, we were in the internet lounge camwhoring. hehe... ;D the Apple iMAC is pretty much an arse computer. Probably I am just not used to it. :P (sorry for cursing Apple, you are a good company) We camwhored near the pool lounge too. :D




The third day Dav bought a pair of Nike low dunks. In black and teal, which I think Dav looked amazing in it. The shoe itself rocks big time. :D

Anyways, that about it. I loved those three days spent with him. and I miss him so much now. :( I want to be back in his arms again! sobs...

Crazy and exciting week! :)

Last week was really crazy and hectic, but no doubt AWESOME. ;) (well not that awesome.. :x)

Okay, I am gonna start on the Youth Camp which happened last Friday. I was totally excited for this Youth Camp really, I THOUGHT that I was gonna have the most exciting time of my life in this camp. (The theme for this camp was: Camp Xtreme) I was told that the activities for this camp involves jungle trekking in the night, going through heaps of obstacles(obstacles that are placed in the lake, mud...etc.. :&). Well I packed and got totally ready to have fun in this camp....But oh well.. ARHH..I must say I am such a loser.... The moment I stepped into the dorm that I was supposed to stay in.... My anticipation to have fun from the camp went from 100 to 0! Well, we have to sleep on cement platforms (that is why we were told to bring along sleeping bags), the toilet was so faintly lighted, each toilet cubicles were so small that I think it could only fit two petite girls, and we had to bath from the bucket. (well I do sound like a spoilt brat here, but its so much worse that you could ever imagine. :( ) The first day of camp was pretty interesting, in terms of activities. We were divided into groups, we were assigned to do banners of our group. I was in Team Alpha... So our flag looked pretty awesome. Too bad I got no pics to prove, but I swear my group's flag was second best compared to Shannon's Team. :P Well after that was tea time, THE FOOD SUCKS BIG TIME. :/ After washing up( well I didnt bathe.... with the bathroom conditions... i dont even dare to set foot in there.... :/ ) Sermon time, after sermon we had the activity, which was jungle trekking in the night, without a torch! So it was like Broga Hill except without torch lights, and hiking alone or maybe in pairs, which made everything much more scarier, much more terrifying. Plus we were told that the jungle is filled with spirits... :| that made me shiver.... However, girls are allowed to hike in pairs.... (Y) ;) My partner was Eunice. It was fun but also terrifying to fumble through things in the jungle, we had to hold onto the ropes that were tied from one tree to another. We made it in 30 mins. ;) Well.... Sleeping time was like tormenting, except that I didnt sleep at all... which made me a total zombie through out the next day. :/Thank God that mama came to rescue and I got out of terrifying camp! (Y)

We went up KL, nothing much though, the best part of the whole KL trip was the pre-xmas dinner that Aunt Mary prepared, which were totally worth salivating for! and David was with me. <3>

I left KL on Monday, went in Singapore on tuesday. :) Gonna blog about Singapore on the following post! ;)

Life has never been better!

It has been ages since I really 'blogged' here. I guess it was since I got into a relationship, and I never had time to actually write things down.

Things have changed so much since I got into a relationship with David. Life has been so different, interesting, lovely... you name it. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. His smile makes my day, and he just knows how to pamper me. Life has never been better since he set foot in my life. I can't wait to see him next week and we will be spending 3 days together Singapore, along with his mum too. Bliss I must say.

Time passed so fast that I actually finished my first year of Uni. I guess life has been enjoyable much! I am back home for three months, I will be learning how to drive and get my driver's license. Bzzzz... ._.

Anyways, Church camp this week, from Friday to Sunday, after camp up to KL straight for e mary's xmas dinner, and back down on Monday. Exhausting. However, I will be seeing my sayang on Tuesday! Wheee...

No more Fun time to study!!

This week has been pretty goood I might say... :D Peisi and Minzhi came up KL, which is an awesome thing. Having them here with me I couldn't ask for anything more.

Wednesday was pizza dinner, I called quite a couple of people over... David, Gary and Joshua. We ordered 8 freaking large pizzas, which is really insane!! hahaha... But thanks to all the dudes, we managed to finish everything... :) I went to KDZ (记得食) for supper... The Mango Sago thingy is really awesome!! Thanks to David's recommendation. :D

David is really something.. I mean, he is really cute... :P He is the sweetest thang ever... okay... I guess thats enough of him. :P

Finals are so near, I gotta start studying... I am really freaking out!! :( I am not in a mood to blog rite now actually, but just to write something down... i wrote a pretty crappy blog post. Oh well.... whatever. I think I lost my inspiration to write... hmmmm....

PS: I got bangs...yes...AGAIN! Thanks to Vansha, its a new look for me. :D

Vansha and I in The Gardens. I hope she gets accepted in one of the Unis in UK... Hmm... I really hope so. :D

When was it since I stepped in??

Its been ages since I blogged at blogspot. Arghhh... I still love blogspot! Tumblr is a lil complicating!

Uni life is pretty much awesome these days, people are cool. However, I miss home so badly... Miss my parents very much... I miss home cooked food, I hate being such a baby... "Stay strong and be independent" is my motto since I set my foot up KL.

Vic and I are finally over, which I think we should call things off a long time ago! Thank God, cuz I am just too tired to be tied down into that relationship. My heart feels so much relieved. No more hurts from my past relationship.... Vic wasn't really the type of guy for me, he wasn't really the right person for me.... 我的确爱错他了. Since then, I keep telling myself differences its the one thing I could never compromise if I fall for someone.

Well, life is getting better now. Finals are coming soon, gotta start mugging, and I have one month with my fam!! :D Yeepie!!

Irony

What are you to me??

Why do I feel happy all the time when you text me, yet i know,

clearly that there's someone else in your heart.

I got hurt by you a thousand times,

you told me we wont work out,

yet I rebelled against my heart,

I still care for you,

to me,

you are someone special, and no one can replace you in my heart.

I told myself to move on, and be a better person.

Tell myself that without you I ll be okay.

Clearly, Its not working.

Because you ARE something to me.

I am just stupid, blinded.

The truth is, you are just too special for me to let go.

So I decided to keep you in this special place,

and let you be my motivation to do better.

Once its broken it will always be broken

Sometimes I tell myself there is still hope for us, there is something that we can do to mend us.

I guess I was always wrong about that. Just like a broken mirror, once it is broken its impossible to patch it up together. Even though we did pick up the broken pieces and patch it up together again, there will always be a scar. A scar that is impossible to heal.

The photos we had, the letters we wrote, the times we had just flew away with the breeze. The hurt in me was somewhat torturous, agonizing, excruciating. The pain is so intense that I couldn't even shed a single tear.

People said, cry out your river, build your bridge and walk over it. Leave it all behind.
I wanna do that but its so hard, its so difficult for me to do that. I close my eyes, I see you behind my eyelids. I see us, us that doesn't exist anymore. The pain is too tormenting.

I'll let my dreams drive me forward, and let it keep you in a place where you should always be. In my memory.

ILY

Why is Paramore being discovered only NOW?!

The moment I had my ears on the lovely guitar playing by Josh Farro, and amazing vocals by Hayley Williams, I was in love with the band Paramore. That was raftly about 4 years ago? I was addicted to their music. And thanks to Vic that I was able to own Riot. I had them playing 24/7.

The thing I find funny that everyone only discovered them like right now... when their Brand New Eyes album is out. I got no idea, why..sigh.. But it is so good for Paramore that even people that loves... Taiwanese stars even love Paramore...So it shows how great Paramore is!!

Paramore is rocking Sg this coming Sunday. I cant go..what a shame..but its okay... there are better chances... I would love to go to their best show..which i think they would play mostly in US.

Paramore Rocks. So love them.

...speechless...

I have officially start my lectures this week, things aren't what I expected. The standard of degree education has really took its way up to a higher level. English for business purposes is rather complicating, as I had never ever in my life got such assignments before. But of course Nic would never give up that easily. The rest of the subjects are fine. Thank God that I got the basics of Accounting and Economics. Hallelujah! Tomorrow's lecture would be Quantitative Methods. Hope it ain't frustrating...

VICTOR
You have been acting weird these days, getting busy with your life, and we're so far apart and I try so hard to catch up with you, I miss you so much. But you on the other hand is busy with your classes. I am not blaming you of course. My life is going to be so busy next week. I have long hours of courses, I guess I won't be talking to you that often anymore? I dont know. I know that you are feeling down with your Uni stuff, hoping to get into the Uni you want. I understand how you feel, you have all the rights in the world to feel down if you didnt get the acceptance from the Uni. I totally get it. You chose to go to KLIUC. I guess if thats your choice then I hope you are happy with it. Don't even think that I am happy that you are coming over to KL and we can meet each other much often. No, I am happy when you're happy. Even though you are in KLIUC, but I am in Selangor and you are in KL. We still have quite a distance from each other. All I can say is I love you very much. As always. All I pray for is for you to be happy thats all.
I love you Vic, so so much.

Stilettos and women

As I pace the mall crowded with people, seeing women walking in a pair of stilettos is somewhat a common scene to find. They walked with full confidence, and amazing posture. Some wore peep toes, some wore gladiators, some wore pumps. And I would always admire their beauty in a corner, always hoping that one day I had the boldness to wear my peep toe pumps and parade the malls just like the ladies I admired and gave full attention too.

So yesterday was the day my boldness was somewhat found and I decided I shall wear my peep toe pumps and go shopping with my godparents. I pair the peeps toes with a navy blue gap casual long tee and my leather leggings. My peep toes looked good in this outfit. And I thought I looked amazing. And so walking under the scorching heat with this outfit seem ridiculous to many, but as women, or rather ladies, we just don't bother as long as we looked good.

I arrived the mall, I stood out the car, walking straight up with full confidence, but at times a little self-consious. So I did what I always wanted to do in a very long time is to parade the mall in this pair of peep toes. I, like many other ladies were admired by little girls. Little girls who always wanted to be like us when they reached the age of vanity.

However, pain visited me in just two hours time. My ankles was getting tired, and I had cramps on my legs. And I had to put a smile on my face as I wouldnt want to show my aunts and godparents that I was walking in pain. I had to hold on to shelves in shops to rest my legs for a few seconds. It was such a tormenting trip. Yet I refuse to show pain, I refuse to give in to the pain, my ego is never going to be stepped down by this pair of peep toes. I walked, paraded the mall with a great amount of excruciating pain.

I managed to pull through and off we headed into the car. I took off my heels as soon as I stepped in the car. I then had a sudden relief, as if something heavy was off my chest. Relieved was the only vocabulary I could ever think off after that.

Sungei Wang

I woke up in a shock around 11 am, I had to blame my room for being so dark that I could hardly even see the sunlight. I knew that I was about to go to Sungei Wang around 1pm. So I rushed, get myself done speedily fast(my fast applies to an hour and a half.)

The weather is really unbearable, hot yet humid. Not every Caucasians favourite weather. My housemate and I had to squeeze like a sardines in the small car. 4 of us in the backseat.

Sungei Wang is packed with people, for obvious reasons. It was my first time actually to have a stroll in sungei wang. The place is filled with shops that its not really my liking, the mall is rather rundown compared to other malls, its like the holiday plaza in Johor. However its a place filled with cheap stuff... Of course dont expect anything unique, as most of the stuff is imported from China, and obviously its comes in a big bundle. So things there are quite typical in my opinion. I didnt quite enjoy strolling in this mall. The only thing I was satisfied is that the magazines there are cheap, Nylon was only 9.90, American issue. And the Gap tee was 19, and of course lovely and satisfying lunch. I had Teppanyaki, heaps of vege and cuttlefish. I was so stuffed with all of the food. Cuttlefish panfriend teppanyaki style, seasoned with salt and pepper. Sprinkled with fried garlic. LOVE! Wish I could have it now AGAIN! (starving, I am...) Enough of the food talk, thats all about Sungei Wang. I have to make a move to satisfy my growling stomach with a cup of mushroom soup. Peace out.

Jesus is Awesome!!

I always believed that God has His plans for me, wherever I go... I am so grateful that Lord has everything planned out for me...

Finally I have started my Uni life... My darling parents are such wonderful darlings...they have been running errands for me and allow me to settle down.. I really am grateful for them.. I'll miss them so much..sobs.... God has been watching over me...my present apartment is so much better than the one i am suppose to live in... I really am grateful towards God, I love him so much!!

Father God, I pray that whilst I am here.. I pray that you will guide me, sent the Holy Spirit to watch over me, and not let me astray. I pray that I will be in favour with God and men, I'll be the head and not the tail, be a winner and not a loser, and be a conquerer in Christ Jesus. I love you Father Lord. Amen.

I miss you Vic, and I promise. I'll keep loving you till one day, if God has his plans.... I love you Vic. So much!

I'll Miss you

Time flew so fast that it is my time now to go on with my life.
Vic, I'll miss you very much.
I can do this, and I will heed your advice.
Thanks for such a lovely day yesterday. I enjoyed everything about it.

Thanks. I love ya.

having fun to the fullest!

I am at my weakest and most exhausting moment right now and yet my will to blog didn’t fail me. I had to blog as the memories and emotions are still strong enough to bring out life to my post.

I attended a CNY party in Kong Hao’s yesterday. The house is filled with people. The ambience of new year filled the air. I was in the mood of celebration, drinking and most of all FUN! I was able to meet up with Peisi and Peiqi. I was jumping from one person to another, catching up with my friends. Purely having so much fun. I had a can of Heineken and few glasses of red wine. I had a Merlot. It was quite okay, though Merlot did nauseate me for a moment due to my bad experience in drinking. We were camwhoring, acting like the craziest  bunch ever.

This is me writing the lantern. The whole lantern thing works this way. Its a Chinese tradition for us to write our wishes on the lantern, light it and let it fly. It is suppose to make your wish come true. It works like the hot air balloon theory. In Chinese is called Kong Ming Deng. Hmmm.. I am not too sure its going to fulfil my wish but it sure did amuse me. :D

There goes the lantern… Floating in the air. Hope it makes its way to heaven to grant my wish.:)

 

I went to Peisi’s around 2 am… Chatted with Peggy and Peisi till 5 am in the morning. I do love doing this. Though I am experiencing the after effects of it now. sobs…sobs..

We went in Singapore later in the afternoon, settled some administration errands in SIM. and off we head to Marina Square. 

I took this photo before heading to SG. ROAR!!

Okay, I have to say Kong Hao did spend quite a fortune(not really a fortune) on this bear thingy…. We spent and hour plus in that arcade and went home…EMPTY HANDED!! i have to admit I love the bear..its cute…but no..its not me… It’ll end up like every soft toy in my place..making friends with a civilization called DUST! Not every toy is like Fury(my white seal) that lucky..hahaha…

Anyways, I had such an awesome time with them. My system is going down very soon in just a few minutes… I am so so exhausted…. I love you Peisi, Peggy, Kong Hao… thanks for today… I had an awesome time with you guys..we must do this again sometime…

Goodnight world.

Uni life?

When I was a little younger I always thought that I would start my college life in Melbourne, I always thought that I had the chance or at least I thought that it is confirmed that I would be in Melbourne furthering my studies. Seems like my dream didn't come true. I would be starting in KL instead. Doing everything local. However I had to admit that studying in Melbourne is rather challenging because the Unis are rather hard to get in. I always thought Victoria Uni is quite and okay Uni, but after hearing from my aunt. I dont think so.

Well, starting in Taylors would be different. I am somewhat excited and nervous at the same time. A new chapter of my life will start very soon in just a few days. I hope I wont wound up clubbing and stuff. Cuz thats not what i wanna go for.

I have only one thing to focus on is to migrate to Aus. So, I have to work hard and see how things go. I dont want this dream of mine to perish just like my furthering my studies in Aussie dream. God will lead me..

Its 1 am. I think I have to turn in. Movie day tomorrow followed after Kong Hao's cny party. Hope I wont get drunk tomorrow. I ll have limited alcohol consumption. ( I hope) Cuz he has a box of merlot and heineken. maybe a cup of merlot and a bottle of heineken will do. Thanks to my uncle that I have a little knowledge or two in wine. :D

Peace out.

CNY 2010

The poon family portrait.

I had no idea why won't I post a valentine blogpost and CNY blogpost together. Oh well, awkwardness would be my excuse for it. This years' Cny and Valentines day falls on the same day.

The sound of the crackers filled my neighbourhood in the strike of twelve. Some people might think its a nuisance, some people love the feeling of it. For me, its just a little disturbing because I was half asleep. sorry for not embracing cny's ambience.This is what I wore for CNY. The blouse is from Aus, ginger floral skirt from cotton on, nine west heels, and the bib necklace from forever new(aus). My dad finds the bib necklace weird. Oh well... Oh, not sure anyone noticed, I actually dyed my hair, its a little dark brown. I am satisfied. I guess that what I am opting for. :D
This is me setting up the dinner table in my grands' place. I had the best dinner for the past two days. Love.

I head to CS with the family to watch Percy Jackson and the lightning theif. I would rate that movie 4 out of 5. its kinda good. but its so harry potter-ish... No doubt is directed by chris columbus.

School starts next week. Freaky.

Valentine’s Day

Chinese New Year and Valentines day falls on the same day I guess… It is much unique this year… Last year I was able to celebrate with a someone special, but this year seems to be much different. I had no valentine. But I guess somehow its valentines day we must let the person we love know that we love them, so I decided to put it here. Maybe he’ll see it, maybe he wont. At least, I did show my love for him.

God has his own plans, I always tell myself that. He has his time for me to have something, to experience something. I got in ELS, and coincidently you were my partner. Both of us were leaders to lead the society to take part in something we never took part before. There I admired your leadership, your capability, and to find that you were kind hearted, you had qualities that I’ve never seen anyone had. I was amazed, yet I told myself I couldn’t fall for you, because I see myself as someone incapable, I find myself just like any other typical girl. Yet, God gave us the opportunity to get to know each other, and you were the one who admired my capability, you said I was pretty even though I looked like a mess, you encouraged me and made me laugh when I was down. You were someone that I needed to see every day, you were someone who played such an important role in my life.

My stupidity and curiosity broke our bond. It left us alone crying, shedding tears of pain. Fill us with hopelessness and despair. We never did saw this coming, we never thought that just someone insignificant could just tear us apart. You would always advice me, never let anyone’s words affect both of us, yet, as ignorant as I am, as naive as I was. I heed your words and brought us here. We needed each other, but we couldn’t embrace each other anymore.  Because you were filled with fear, fear of getting yourself hurt again, and I was filled with regret. However, today appears to be Valentine’s day, I am still having the card you gave me, I read through it again. And today I will tell you that I love you. I love you so much, and I would never put you in such a situation again. I will always love you till God has something else or someone else for me, only then I will move on from here, I’ll keep our memory in a special place, a place no one can occupy, only you.

Vic, I love you.

Back to basics

Went to Singapore yesterday with Peisi. I have to be honest its my first time going with my friend, and I had no idea whatsoever to travel around Singapore. I have to be honest I dont fancy Singapore that much apart from the abundance of fashionable clothes. However the rest, I’ll just keep it to myself. Thank you Peisi for bringing me around, and to take the trouble to take me to places I’ve never been, I had a great time with you. Love you so much!! 

I still miss Australia a lot, miss everything about it. But its time for me to go back to reality and go to KL and start my Uni  life. Australia can wait for three years, I will be back as I said before.

Had a short time chatting with Kong hao and Peisi. I really enjoy their company and their funny jokes. I really love spending time with them. I will so miss them so much if I were to go to Uni. Love you guys heaps.

Vic is on his way to Jerantut, and I am staying back for CNY here. No other plans. My feelings for Vic is somewhat complicated. I dont know what am I to do if I have to stop seeing him for a few months, I dont know. Life has to go on. I made a promise to him, that if I would see him again in the future, and there is a possibility that both of us were to see each other often, and if both of us were to be single. I would give both of us a chance again. Vic, lets leave us to God to decide. If you are mine, you’ll be mine eventually.

Happy to be home♥

I am so happy to be home, apart from the bad air and boring roads, but to be able to be with my family is really the best thing ever. I couldnt be happier enough to spend time with them. Two weeks more to Uni, I am trying to cherish as much time as I can with them.

I love you mum and dad. You both are the best ever.

♥

Back to the same routine....

Time passed so fast. I was really shocked that my 5- week holidays is all over. I stepped out the plane, I wont stop whinning about how humid the weather is, the grass is much yellower than Australia. And so on... I really miss Melbourne. I miss the architecture, miss the air, miss the people, the place, miss it a lot. But I ll make sure that I ll be back there again. Because I love the city, I love everything about it.

Went to check Taylors out today, and I got my application accepted. So I guess there's where I am going to start my new life. It fears me, new environment, new people... I am scared..But at the same time I am excited to be able to start a new life.

I am having a slight jetlag... Off to sleep I's going to....*yawns*

Missing Uncle Chu and Aunt Theresa...=( sobs...

put a smile on your face though it hurts

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Surprise!

It was such a boring day for me, I was so reluctant to go out. The weather report reported today was showering... So I had no intention whatsoever to set my foot out today. I was literally laying my arse on the couch flipping through channels. There I sat, and my godfather came home from work. He went upstairs... then came down again. He walked towards me, streched out his hand and gave me the box. " A gift for my beloved goddaughter" he said. I sat there, stunned, filled with joy. He bought me a new netbook. I was so pysched. Happy, contented. I couldnt believe my eyes. I jumped and hugged him. Slurring thank yous a lot... as my eyes and focus was on full concentration on the netbook.

I guess this Aussie trip was really a great one, my godmother bought me a pair of 5 inch nine west. and my godfather bought me a netbook. I guess all these years I havent been in contact with my godparents, and I think they enjoyed my company around them. This trip didn't only filled me materialistically but spiritually. I learned so much, I really got myself exposed.

I had to thank Vic for all of these. The root of this trip was because Vic was on his way to Jakarta, and I thought I couldn't handle it, so I thought that I would also go on a trip to Australia to expose myself. It was a decision out of impulse. And I managed to expose myself. Learned a lot.

PS: Yesterday was a great day in St. Kilda beach, I was soaking myself under the sun, being one of those tanning wannabes, but I guess it didnt turn out that well, cuz I wasnt all that tan after the sun bathing. Thanks to Nu Skin's SPF lotion. BTW, there's this italian guy named Natt came over and said to hi to us. I was feeling unusual as I knew that there was someone who has been noticing me from afar. I felt weird. So then he said Hi, introed himself, and asked me and shan to come over to his party, in fitzroy. How random is that. He had dread locks and a lip piercing, I suppose I would rate his looks as above average. If I were daring enough, I would go to his party. But somehow I know that I am not such a person. Anyways, a moment to remember. We were smart actually, he wanted our number, but we asked for his. So great stuff, no harrasments to handle. LOL.

Changed me?

Before coming to Australia, I thought it would be tormenting to be faraway from home. Homesick is like inevitable. The first week was what I've expected, tormenting. Agonizing. It was slightly unbearable cuz I wasnt use to it at all.
The second week turned better, it was a better week for me, exciting was the word. The first venue I visited was Philip Island. The waves and the colour of the sea water, was really amazingly beautiful. The wind was chilly, it was a 20 degrees day. The city life was even better, buying a tram ticket from the chemist and board the tram was my usual routine. Then I got off to Colin Street, where branded goods like hermes, chanel, louis vuitton, etc was located just right there. There I started walking along until I reached Swanston Street, where Myers, David Jones was all located there. A shopping heaven. A couple of baskers filled the streets, many beautiful people roam the streets in their latest fahionable wears, from the most expensive Salvotore Ferragamo shoes to the cheapest Rubi shoes.

Meeting new people, people who mostly lived half a century, there we sat having fine dinner every night, with the accompliment of red and white wine. Listening to advises from them, from money to love, to marriage. Almost every day I was travelling on various luxurious car, BMW 7 series, Mercedes S class, to the adorable mini.. etc. Visiting houses that cost almost 1 and half mil. then I thought to myself, yes, this is the life I wanna live.

I wanna live a comfortable life, a life where there are no debts, this is no dream because many people out there are living such a life. The key is not difficult. It is just to be knowledgeable in the area of your job, and while buliding your own riches, never hold back for anyone. Most ladies here that I've met built their own riches, they arent reliant to their spouse. This is what I want to be.

Melbourne, a city where you can find beautiful parks filled with the abundance of greenery just right in the middle of the bustling city. Living in Melbourne is just like how the city is located itself, everything out there is moving fast, but deep down in your heart there is peace and serenity, it is somewhat irony.

Yes, Melbourne, I am coming back here once again. I'll live here very soon. Just a few more years and I am able to enjoy your beauty. Embrace it.

whatever it takes

Vic I'd always wanted to tell you this...


A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes


I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

love=coffee

Life in Melbourne

Life here is so different from Malaysia. Its hard to be faraway from home, I really miss my home a lot. In the past I've always wanted to be here, to be able to able to have a chance to travel. And now, I have the chance, I am complaining. Hoping that its not so long.. one month is truly long...
I have a month to go... I really wanna enjoy my time here..

Vic, I miss you a lot here. Whatever you said yesterday hurt me insanely. I hate it... I love you very much, and its like I feel something missing in my life without you. You are the only thing I know like the back of my hand... I really cant take it if I am not talkin to you, not with you. How can I take it when I am away from you?? .... I miss you a lot..=(

Why is this happening?

I never could understand why things are happening this way for us. All those promises we made were just crap anyhow, all those things we said are just crap.

I could feel the pain in my heart, as if a knife stabbed through it a thousand times.

I knew I loved him from the very bottom of my heart, I gave everything I had for him. But, all I get is hurt after hurt. People are loving out there. People are doing good with their the other half. And I am not. I see people walking in the streets, hands twined together... I looked at them with admirance. Hoping that I would have that chance to roam the streets together once again with out hands twined together. Who knew, it was just merely a dream. How naive and stupid I am.

Maybe after this, I will never trust anyone that easily anymore... I guess focusing on my future is what I ll do, after all, I m not going SG anymore.. Taylors will be the school for me..so.. I ll stay there..have my life there. Live once again differently, changed. Better. Without you in my life anymore.

I still love you, but i have to protect myself and stop doing that.

having fun but miss home

Melbourne is great. The weather is chilly, not hot Yet. I enjoyed myself very much. I had bacons and egg in the morning cooked by U.Chu. After that we went to Victoria Garden, which is a shoopping centre, and bought some food for tomorrow's dinner. And off we went home. Had pasta for lunch, & the funniest and most interesting part after lunch was that U.chu taught us to drink wine, eat cheese. It was a nice experience. I think i ll be drinking a lot! =P

We went to the park near the apartment for a stroll.. It was filled with abundant of trees, flowers. etc...Its really lovely. It also has a small miniature waterfall. It is so cold and chilly everywhere. What a summer it is!!! Its suppose to be 30 degrees, but in fact it is 13 degrees!! How shocking!

We had vietnamese for dinner. Nice meal, and it is my first time having a vietnamese meal. Great experience.


I do miss home a lot, miss my family. It is agonizing being away from home. But i have to learn how to expose myself at such an age. Mummy, daddy and Ray.. I miss all of you badly. =(

Vic, I miss you a lot too... =(