I miss you.

I miss you.
I wanna yell out loud,
I wanna let the world know that I miss you.
You are the only one that could only make me feel this way.
I cant stop thinking bout yesterday,
it was short, but awesome.
As our hands twined together,
I felt your warmth,
I felt your love,
It is unforgettable.
All I thought about at that moment,
is not to let your hand go.
I held it tight,
treasuring every moment.
It was awesome, beautiful.
Seeing you smile,
I could feel your happiness,
It brightened up my spirit.
As you hugged me,
I felt your warmth,
I felt secure,
I felt like nothing could harm me when you hugged me.
As our lips touched,
I felt warmth in my heart,
I felt nothing in this world could make me feel this way,
I felt I needed nothing else in this world.
When I am in pain,
You are my remedy,
as you rubbed your hands against mine,
as you hug me,
Your scent is euphoric,
You healed me instantly,
The pain vanished.
When I am afraid,
You gave me courage,
You gave me support.
When I felt so small,
You made me feel that I can conquer this world,
Your encouragements never failed to lift me up.
When I am all alone in the dark,
You are my light,
You are always there.
You go through pain and loneliness with me.

Only you Vic, only you can make me feel this way.
I LOVE YOU.

Now I love you even more.

I met Vic today again, finally. He is with his cousin Anthony from London. But I didn't care who was there, all I cared is about Vic. Nothing else. He looked good as usual. Seeing him smile just brightens up my day. I held his hand, the warmness I got from him... It was awesome, it feels like the first time we hold each others hands. Seeing him makes me wanna cuddle him more, makes me wanna kiss that lips of his. But unfortunately I didn't stick around long. But it was awesome. I love him so much. After today, my feelings for him deepen so much... No idea why, but I love him so much now. I love you Vic. Mwah~

I'll miss you guys a lot.

Just got the news today by darling, he said, Sze nee and I are going to separate. And I was like huh? I was doing my revision for my last test on Monday. And he suddenly told me that I am gonna part from S2C1. I was really sad, disappointed. I've been in this class for two years, I've was hated then loved. They could be the craziest crowd I've ever mixed with. Especially Nee and Yivonn. Both of them, are my best, and they will always be. They're really crazy, we do everything together. We eat, we pee, we change PE clothes together, we study together, do math together,go tuition together, watch movie together. Man... It was really awesome. Nee and Yivonn both of them really encouraged me to do my best. They encouraged me my studies, society work, they were always there for me. And now I gotta part from you both. It hurts. But always remember my heart and support will always be with you both. Even though we can't change our PE clothes together, seldom pee together, or hang out. But you both are the best. And thank you both for giving me the best memories I can have. I'll miss QZ too. He has always been the funniest guy, he is really an awesome monitor I ever met. He is indeed awesome. You take care too. 韵慧，i'll miss ya tall lady. You're so awesome! You're the funniest, mature, friend. You're really a nice friend to hang out with. I'll be next door guys. haha... Please do invite me to all your class gathering and graduation trip. I wanna have fun with ya guys again. I love ya guys to bits! Mwah~

I'll be in a new class, gonna meet new people. Everything has changed, but thank God I still have cool friends there. 明谨,dolphin,光豪，思广（i've been in the same class with him for six years! since junior one! haha!),学明，承耀。 I am trying to look at the bright side. I cried though, cuz I dont wanna part with sze nee and yivonn. Now, my 2009 goal, be the first student in class. haha... Nic is gonna do her best in her last year in High School.
But I am the first student in class.. hehe... here comes the pressure. But Nic won't stop working hard for what she wants. God will lift her up.

I lurve my sistas.

I have to say I love my sistas a lot.
They are the best I've eva had. They are always there for me. And I really do love them.
Thankz to you both and I love you both very much. Its so quiet here without you two. Love ya guys a lot! Mwah!

Super human.

This is for my darling vic,

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment you came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see through the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
Super human, heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I had it all along
I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere but love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
Super human, heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away in love

You changed my whole life
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
Super human, heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

A new changed me.

First thing first.... I think I am a bit to know this.
PARAMORE'S FINAL RIOT! IS GONNA BE OUT ON 25.11!
I am so so so pyched I tell ya! Its like I can finally see her live concerts and stuff. No more sitting in front of the comp man. haha... I am so so pyched. Its a must buy thing! =)

okay... relating to the title up there.
I guess I am motivated to change myself into someone better.
Trust me people, you'll see a new and happy nic.
Emoness is outta my life. Officially.
Today, I went to church. The youths there, most of them are from the new zealand church.
They are just full of spirit, they are like ever ready to stand up for God.
And its really wonderful how God open up in their lives.
I mean, I should be like them, being all positive and all.
Be someone strong, and get defeated by little things and challenges.
I can conquer all this fear, all this negativity in me.
I am gonna be someone different.
Someone who will acheive great things. God will help me all the way.
I have faith in him.

1 thing 2 do those 3 words 4 u. I love you.

This post is meant for my darling Vic.

Hey darling, its been days since I see you. I miss you a lot a lot! Even though we still contact each other quite often but really, its been a freaking long time since i see you. Its been a week or so, and I have to keep my hopes high for next week. Hoping I could see you again. I've waited in the classroom trying to let time pass by, hoping I could stay there as long as I could so I could see you at the gate, but I guess I was too early. I really wanna see you. You're just flooding up my thoughts. I can't help to think about you all the time. It's really insane, my mind is just bombarded by the memories we had, everything. I just can't help to replay it again and again, to get back the feeling. Cuz its really a long long time since we had time together, it has been almost a month or so. We never get to hang out, we never get to see each other that often. Each time I tell you this, you always said that it'll strengthen our bond. I just can't help but think why do you always make is sound so easy? It is not easy for me, not at all. Each time I try to stay strong for you. Hoping I could control my emotions. But each time I tried I fail. I've been trying my best to, but I kept on failing. However, you're just the guy who is meant for me, because I never ever felt such love before in my life. Ever ever. I love you so much till it hurts at times. My love for you can't be explained or be elaborated. Your grandpa just passed away yesterday, I know its really difficult for you, you don't have to tell I could feel it. You used to tell me how close you both were. And you just lose him yesterday. I know how it hurts. Losing my nanny is also something difficult for me. No one knew how important she was to me. But you're the only one. Vic, and I just really really hope that you could express more of your feelings to me. Its true you're someone quiet actually, and I learnt to accept that. But, I just hope you could express your feelings to me and tell me how you feel at times. So I could share this feeling, with you. I too treat you like my family, like the way you treat me as yours. And I treasure the time with you, and I feel like myself when I am with you. Right now as I am typing this blog post, I just feel like letting my tears out, because I really miss you so. And I can't help but to cry, cuz that's the only way I let out my frustrations and emotions. I love you.

Everything has changed.

This post actually is meant for Vic, but I do wanna update some stuff before I get to the point of my blog. I BOUGHT TWILIGHT!!! Okay, it was an excitement for me, cuz I am kinda fan of it? Kinda. The book is FREAKINGLY AWESOME! I finished half of the book yesterday which I am suppose to study my SPM. 8 more chapters left and I am ready to continue New Moon, which is another one. The love story between Bella and Edward, its awesome. It brings out a different genre of romance not those typical ones. Edward's thoughts is rather hard to decode. (*that's why the OST by Paramore is called Decode) But, I wanna study my Malay and continue the book after this week of exams. Happy mugging to myself. =)

Time to get into the point of my blog, which is named: everything has changed. Yea, indeed. Right now, I am so in the mood of writing this. The weather is cold, slightly dark, love the weather. And the music that is playing right now: Sunday bloody Sunday a cover song by paramore.

Things has changed a little bit in my relationship with Vic, its been almost close to 5 months, not that long, I know. Well, changed in what way? I am not too sure myself. Maybe I am too sensitive. But I guess that there is a good thing in being too sensitive. I was talking to Vic just now. He sounded a little emo? His voice sounded like he is sick of everything? Maybe? He said that my voice made him feel better, but I dont think so. Cuz he sound the same. As I was talking to him, I was contemplating on a lot of things. Like we're not like before. Like each time we talked on the phone, its like I am always so hypo and he is like so happy and stuff. Right now, I am hypo at times, he is like so bored, so sick. Maybe he is so used to it? I think. I really thought of not talking on the phone to him that often, is cuz, I hate how it felt each time I put the phone down. It was not satisfying, I felt even worse. Each time he asks me not to be emo and stuff. I am not emo, this is me, and each time I feel like that, my emotions became overwhelming, it kinda take over me, and each time I feel that way, I would write it down and express how I feel. And I like it, I won't hurt myself, its not that I am an emo. I am not at all, and I don't suit to be one anyway.

I am so in love with Vic, each time I would tell him how much I miss him, and he is like I miss you too. And then jump off to the next subject. And I am so turn off, so not in the mood after that. And it makes me feel like I am insanely in love with him, but he just sorta taking it for granted, like he knows that I'll always be there and I won't leave him. well, vic, I am not sure whether is that true. But I just hope you would treasure me a little and don't take whatever I said for granted because I meant every word I said, and if this keeps going on, I rather end all of this and stop the pain. And try to tell myself all of this didn't happen before. I am stronger than you think I am. I've been through lots of pain before, and I am a stronger person.

But, I have choices, I choose not to do that. Because Love overcomes everything. It changes a person. And I am willing to change my flaws to be a better person. I am willing to endure and be there for you, I am willing to hold all my frustrations and ignore all these negative emotions to love you more. I love you so much till words couldn't express. But the only thing I hope and want from you is that I hope you feel the same, and I hope you feel the same way as I did for you. Because I don't wanna get hurt again. I am willing to overcome all troubles to make this relationship better, for you and for me.

I am willing to change all things and improve what we have here. And treasure every phone call with you. Treasure everytime I spend with you.

Pressure.

Seems like everyone is working hard on their spm. And I and trying so hard to finish the Science, trying to get a nicer result. I am worried for my malay. I did the Prinsip Akaun that day, and dang,the sum didn't balance at all! I am so pissed. Argh....

Nic nic nic, work hard!! So pressured now. God help me man!!

Trully trully disappointed!

Today was really agonizing, painful, disappointing, any word you can use to describe how horrible and angry I felt today.

Today, I had this meeting in the auditorium that I am suppose to attend, and to me it was actually really important. The meeting was about the camp that I am suppose to attend, and I am part of the committee. So here goes, Vic told me to wait for him in front of the auditorium, at 11:00am. Tracey came to my class as she said she was passing by and so I followed her to the auditorium. I waited for Vic, waited and waited. Then maybe I thought, he had something to do, its okay if he is late. He'll come, even if he has something, he'll come and inform me, I kept believing this. Suddenly, I saw佳语in front of the auditorium with her bf, as always. And it kinda shook me when I saw her, cuz she is Vic's classmate, she is down her already, why isn't he? So I suggested to Tracey why not we go and look for him, maybe he is still in his class. And so we did.

We arrived there, and he saw us, he came out and told Tracey something, which obviously I wasn't listening, because I didn't have the mood. His facial expression really pissed me off! He looked like he didn't give a damn to this meeting. I mean if you are really busy at least, at least, inform me... Don't keep me waiting like an idiot really. So I just walked away. My heart sank so to the bottom of my shoes.

After that, I head straight to the auditorium, and宏棋asked：承泽在哪里？？And I was like, oh, I went to his class and he had something up and he is coming later, and I look like I didn't care, but obviously I did care.

But seriously, I wasn't happy at all.... I know it is like a small thing and I am so sensitive towards this situation. But, I cared about everything that happened here. I decided to put my heart into this camp, I decided to be responsible for this camp as I am part of this committee. Its a huge team, but being part of it is really cool. And I think being punctual for meeting like this is a must.

And I missed Vic like crazy today, it was really tormenting for me. I tried to distract myself and put my attention on other things... But I can't, he just kept appearing in my thoughts.

Vic,
Today was insane for me, I was actually hurt. I don't like to be pissed or get angry at you. I don't like it at all... Not at all. Each time I get pissed at you my heart just peels, the more angry I am, the more my heart peels. You know how much I love you, and how much effort I put into this relationship just to make it last,because I care. And I try to compromise and be the best of myself, but sometimes its so difficult. But I choose to persist and stay strong for us. And I hope you'll do the same. Because I can't do it alone. And you know that. I love you so much Vic, so so much. And its been a crazy day today. Even though its a small issue but it did a lot of pain to my heart. I heart you.

This is for Tracey.

Hey there dear Tracey, this post is for you.
Hope your results are okay, mine was slightly disappointing. But I am okay. ;)
Miss you a lot actually, you know why? Cuz you're my beloved sister, and you're the only sis and friend who really understands me. Been feeling kinda pressured this few days. There is so much I wanna tell you... After my spm we really need to hang out! And the society trip, we need to plan!!!!!! =)
I wanna give my best wishes to Anna. Hope she is doing fine. =)

I've bottled up my feelings and everything just so that I could express everything infront of you. I miss you a lot really.

No matter what, remember sis whenever you feel lonely or anything, just remember that I am always here for you. Always!!!! So each time you feel down just remember that me, Nicole, will always be here to cheer you on and cheer you up!!! Love you to bits!!!

Take care yea? Love you a lot!!! Mwah mwah!!!!!!

Decode video by paramore is out!!!!!!

Hey folks, Decode video by Paramore is finally out! It's preview is on yesterday actually, but, I was a little late. =p Hayley is really pretty i think. The video is kinda weird though, but I am just waiting for the movie to come out. Twilight rocks! After all my exams I am getting the book! Love it!

click on the link below. Enjoy it peeps!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DS_dZtXCWEU