I kinda saw it coming.

I kinda saw it coming... everything.. your actions shows clearly, I am not blind, I am not stupid. But, I've grown up. I wont hate you because I am over such things. Things just happened in one way or another. Maybe we arent made for each other. we thought we were. We rush. But its a good thing we found it out earlier. Maybe the pain wont hurt that bad. I am fine without you. I am. You're a good friend but I would assume you're not a good boyfriend? Its just my assumptions. But, I would want to say thank you. Because I've learnt from my mistakes. I aint making them the second time.

Brother bank... I love you guys. I need all of you realy bad. But thanks for everything. You guys are the best.... we have to hang out on prom!! Have as much fun as possible. I am happy for Kong Hao.. Cuz he finally have his gal.. Couldnt be any happier. The amount of hardship you went through for her. Enjoy being in love cuz it really feels good to love and be loved by someone. =)

... Vic... probably I hurt you real bad... I am sorry I did. But I am making up my mistakes. i am sorry. I am regretting everything. I know you wont believe the things I said now because I betrayed your trust. But you are the one who never fails to watch my step, and take care of me. My eyes opened up, I could finally see clearly... I'll give some time... I am sure we can work things out... I am sure of that.

.....I am trying...

I am tryin as hard as I can... just to ignore you, just to leave my phone alone so I wont have the thought of textin you.... thanks to my darlings for spending the whole day with me so I wont think too much... I wont have thoughts of you...

I dont know what we are now... since the day you kissed me I was confused... confused at what we were.... we did what couples did, but we arent one... I never could understand all of this...

Shan told me to ignore and stay strong.. but i cant... I am trying... I kept telling myself I can... but i am barely breathing...

I feel hopeless... I dont know what to do anymore...I tried trusting you.. i did... now i feel... betrayed.. i cared so much for you. I am so honest to you. but all i get from you is this???.... I am speechless

None of us are perfect

The things you told me yesterday wasnt what i expected.... maybe its true that people out there is suffering hell a lot than me, maybe my life is much better than someone else's... that i would not deny... the whole point of me telling you bout me is cuz I thought you should know... I thought telling you bout me would help us.... I guess I expected so much.... Maybe I should stop thinking that things are gonna work out darn smooth for me. For us if you think there is one... I never thought I gave out my heart so easily to you.... you might say no one asked me to.... but I just did....

all i need is you to be there with me, be my best friend, be someone who AT LEAST care for me, love me...... am i asking to much??? .....

you came in took my heart away, i feel comfortable around you, i am in my own skin when i am with you... the thought of losing you kills.... what am i to do?? i am so scared when you just tell me you can do this anymore....etc..... i feel like i am just a replacement aint it??

You hide I seek... seek for the things I thought I should know... whats the point???

i am tired....

i want you and no one else

My life has changed since you set your foot in it. I never thought that I would get so close to you, all i did before was to admire you from a distance, love that pair of deep set of beautiful eyes, listen to your crap all the time and recall it once in a while and laugh like an idiot. I never did understand what you were to me. You were someone else's.

But now, everything is different. You're more than the person who I used to admire and look at, you're so much more than that. You're someone I am so addicted to, you're someone who made my head spin round when we kiss, you're someone who I couldn't bare to leave, you're someone who occupies my brain for most of the time.

You made me shed so much tear for, because I care too much. You made me hate myself for crying so much, you made me get angry with myself because I cannot understand you, because I could never know what you are thinking.

Maybe its true that I couldn't live without you, maybe its true that I really fallen for you.

...Should I be happy or Should I not?...

UEC officially starts tomorrow... and I dont know whether should I be happy or not? Been mugging my ass off and its so darn boring....

I want all of this to be over soon... Then I can have so so much fun....

I hate the feeling of missing someone, because it makes people so damn restless.... So wish to get outta it soon.... Havent heard from him for 2 days... and its officially killing me... Man... I miss him....

... Someone stop this song....

There she goes again... Letting her mind drift off to a place she wish she could be... Living in her dreams... With so high hopes... Cuz she knows that her dreams would never disappoint her....

She is still waiting, waiting for a simple text message from him, so she would be At Least much happier than she used to be...

He was always what she wanted, the way he thinks, the things that they like, are just too much alike. She has been waiting for this guy since she first set her eyes on him. She knew she was in no position to get near to him because she was no one to him, because he was taken. She decided to move on having a little affection for him in her heart. All she could tell herself that she could look at him and admire him from a distance. She cared too much for this friend of hers, and will try to get information of him from her friends. People with eyes could feel that she have feelings for this guy. But, at that time she was taken too. All she did was create suspicion and there was no confirmation.

But, now it was a different story. He is not taken anymore, so is she. They landed together in the same boat... She thought she could finally have him all by herself... He liked her, so does she. They had a thing going on. And it means everything to her. But it seems like her feelings for him is much more stronger than how he feels bout her. He tells her that he needs time... She thinks that he is not ready to commit. She is scared. Living in fear. Because he could leave her anytime he wants, because both of them werent together.

She miss his face, she missed the taste of his lips, she missed the way he put her in his arms. But all of that just lasted for a day. After that day, everything seems back to where it is. She asked when will she him again? She said she'll miss him, and told him that he wouldnt even mind not seeing her for a week. He said he would mind. Its been more a week... and she hasnt seen him... she thought that he really cared, she thought that he would really miss her.... But, it seems like she has been giving herself too much expectations.

She tried a couple of times to find time to meet him...but all he did was turn her down... each time he does, her heart ached to the fullest... and soon...it became a habit... she got used to the pain... and sometimes would love the pain she had... and it was also a reminder to her, so that she still keep track of her breathing. She thought he would like her, treat her the way she deserve to be treated... But again. she got too much expectations...

She wished he cared more bout her, she wished he would really mean what he said, and would do his best to prevent her from getting hurt, and prevent her from shedding a single tear for him. But, no...he did none of those.

But, she never did gave up waiting.. waiting for the day when he would treat her the way she wanted to be treated... but till then, all she could do is do a playback what had happened on that day... the way he talks, he kissed her, he hugged her...

... Hawaian nite?....

First I thought this party is gonna be a blast... But, we were late for the party.. We were told to be there at 630 pm.. but wound up.. we were waiting for each other...and we reached there around 9pm? Super late... So i thought it was a party...but the whole ambience seems so quiet...
Only five of us wore hawaian style... it seems so weird... but whatever... the party was okay...not all that fun... But yeah...it was when i get to know stuff... real stuff..

But whatever.. I trust him.. not believing all the crap people say...but... I hope its worth it.. why arent you replying my msg....what the hell is going on??? I am going insane now...I really am... Please Lord.... I need him badly.... I miss him so so damn much....

...Let's hit the pipelines baby!!....

I've always go "gaga" over surfers... Surfers, both dudes or babes are just way rad to me...

Surfing would be one of the xtreme sport I so wanna try. That'll be the first thing I wanna do when I get to Australia... But one of the biggest fear I would have to face in none other than those really freaky Big Great Whites... Cuz they scare the hell outta me...

Though I dont really know much bout surfing, not a fan of pro surfers... ( Cuz I dont surf myself).. But I swear I'll get my chance to watch heaps of surf tournament, and know more bout surfing.

...I guess you feel this way?....

"Vic, I came thru this song... It suddenly stroke me... I guess you feel this way?? ... i know it hurts... I am sorry... You'll get better soon.. I swear you will...."

Even though you're gone and far away,
I feel you all around.
I think about it every single day,
You got away somehow,

I can't sleep,
It's hard to breath,
And i still feel you next to me,
Now, i can see.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

Spinnin' like a movie in my head,
I've seen a thousan times,
I've learn to take it hard,
And fall instead.
I'm sittin' safe on the side lines.

Lost days,
Pictures fade,
Somehow, you're still miles away,
It's safe to say,

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

If someone brought you a falling star just to kiss you,
I'm out here on my own,
Better now than i was before,
But, i miss you, and i want you to know.

I can't sleep,
It's hard to breath,
And i still feel you next to me,
I can see.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

(First one-boys like girls)

....Never thought that it would be this good....

I went out with my crazy friends yesterday... It was a blast... Life is so much better with you guys around... we took a hell lotsa pics... I am sorry darlings that everyone is waiting for the pics... The uploader in facebook is like some freaking bitch..been trying so many times... Patience is what all of us need I guess?? haha...

We went to tebrau city... Checked out a few shops... Looking for ideas for prom dress... I tried out a piece of damn beautiful black sequin dress... its a mini.. its look so good... but my back is some freaking problem...Pimple marks please make your way outta my back! After that we went to Roost for dinner... It was freaking awesome just laughing my ass off after from all the crying the previous night. Pei Shi and Ming Fan took really sweet pics too...
I am happy for her... Even though my heart feels so empty without him, but I know I have to stop myself from thinking of him... Cuz its gonna make me happier. Seeing them together makes me happy yet hoping he will be there with us.


I love hanging out with this bunch... From the left: Jason, me, Ming fan, Pei shi, Hui Qing and Kong Hao. Hope six of us could hang out like that next time. ...Extravaganza... Anyone interested? I just hope six of us will be there.


I could never understand what I am in right now, we have done what normal couples do, yet we arent one. I could never understand what type of feeling is this. Its fearful, cuz he could just leave me, without saying a word, cuz both of us arent a thing. I just see a vague line. Nothing clear. All I could see is I am falling for you so much deeper. I can't help it anymore.


Another he called yesterday. I guess he needed to talk to someone... I have to be there for him, cuz to him I was the only closest person in his life apart from his mother. Even though both of us broke up. He is still in pain every single day, telling me how much he missed the times we used to have. But, all I could feel is sympathy, I cried because I feel guilty, because I know someone like him dont deserve to have such pain. He deserve a happier life than this. I know that its isnt easy for him to let go, but, he just have to. All I could tell him is, people learn to cherish only when they lose the thing they love. Vic, please move away from that spot. I am far from that spot already, wish you could do the same. You're not any backup plan for me. You're just someone who I used to love. So I beg you, please... Let me go. That will be the biggest favour you could ever do for me.

We have to learn to move on

Was going thru the blog posts I posted since last year. Looking back I realize how much I grown to know so many stuff in life. I fall in and out of love... I was broken, and back to a whole again..

" I am sorry. I did what you said, I read all the posts I posted for you, I was truly in love with you then. But, you didnt made me regret loving. At least you were someone much worth loving, you're no jerk. You're a nice guy, you're someone with good qualities. There are so many other gals out there, worth loving. And, I am not one of them, I am just someone who broke you really hard. I am someone who fell out of our love. I am someone who left our memories behind. I am not turning back anymore. I made the choice not to. Because, people move on. You got to be strong. Thank you for the things you did for me, thank you for praying for me all the time, thank you for being such a caring friend. And.... all we have between us now is just pure friendship. Nothing else. I have to admit that I am still a little use to you. I feel awkward without you. But, now I am starting to learn to get use to it. I am learning, and I am progressing in it. I hope you do the same..."





Angel, the things you said yesterday, shocked me. I sat there, not knowing what to do. My heart hurts so much, I cried so so hard. I havent done that for a long time. You said you cant do this now? You need time? I feel I know nothing about your thoughts, I dont even know what are you thinking. I guess you're not over her yet? I am not sure, cuz each time people tell you things bout her, you never fail to get cranky. why? You said you could never stay out of my life? Is it really true? I dont know why I feel so weak when I am with you. I cant even be harsh to you. Cuz the thought of you hurting, hurts me so much. Everything that happened on Friday, meant everything to me. Everything. I took it to heart. but angel, I have to tell you I cant do this anymore too... Because I have to stop hurting myself. Both of us need time. Both of us need time to get know each other more. If you really want this to be special, we have to know each other more. Lets not rush things anymore. Lets take it one step at a time. I have to tell you that I really enjoy talking crap with you, I enjoyed watching Janice Dickenson Modelling Angency with you. I enjoyed lying on your chest, enjoyed being in your arms, enjoyed kissing you, enjoyed talking things about each others' past, childhood...etc... I am happy that I am the one who knows buzz lightyer when you talk bout it. I am glad that you know bout fashion and I can talk to you bout anything.
PS: I read the nylon for guy.. there are a couple styles in there which I think you would look good in. I think you have that mag. Cuz I realize the music you told me to check out like delphic, we have band..etc..are all in there. lol.

For Tracey

Tracey darling... Do forgive me for not visiting your blog often, do forgive me that i've been taken away by my hectic ass life, do forgive me for not being there when you're not down. Forgive me for everything. I miss you. I am happy that you are learning to be someone so much better than I am. Someone that I look up to and learn. Last time, you are the one who is constantly looking up to me, trying to stay strong in life. But, now I guess I am the one now. I look up to you. You changed within a year. Change to be someone better. Changed to be someone so much stronger. But, I guess I backed out, I surrenderred to my failures these days. I stopped striving, I stopped learning. Maybe I thought this was the only way I could not get hurt or get broken. I guess I chickened out.

I missed the days when we use to laugh out, I missed the days when I use to cry on your shoulders, I miss the days when we would talk about any shit, I miss the days we scream out loud and go crazy over our favourite bands, I miss the days when we would console each other. We were so so close. Yet, now, cuz of life, we are being pulled apart.

Tracey, I really really do miss you. After graduation, I promise you that we will hang out. Just the two of us rite? Lets go for a movie, and after that we can talk... alright? I love you sis... Please reply my blog post in your blog alrite? Love you. Muackzx!

Lips of an angel...

The taste of your lips taste so good that I want to taste it again...... its like my own type of drug....
The way you treat me and hold me.... its nothing I've ever experienced before... and I loveeee it so effing much... I am falling so much deeper for you... angel... I am really in love with you... I cant control myself anymore, and I wont want to control....