△To my darling Vic△

Yesterday was the worst day of my week,
but it made me stronger.
When I left, I thought you would come after me, at least tell me something, or at least accompany me to the bus stop.
But you didn't, you just sat there and see me leave.
When I reached the bus stop, I never gave up the believe that you were behind me,
But, no, you weren't there.
My heart was in pieces, my heart was peeling, I felt the intense pain, its different from what I used to feel in the past...
This time is even worse,
I was filled with anger and hurt,
I was so hurt,
the things you said in the past,
you didn't do it,
it was a lie,
a total lie.
You told me to trust you,
I tried to trust you,
I took that big step to trust you,
But you left me there.
You made me lose my trust in you.

I aboard the bus,
my tears welled up in my eyes,
I just kept holding back my tears,
I know I can't shed this tear for you,
I told myself that I was strong enough,
I am independent,
I am strong.
But no,
I was lying,
lying to myself,
telling myself that everything is fine.
It made me worse.
I was suffocating in pain,
I can't catch my breath.
I just stood in the bus,
looking outside the window.
My tears fell,
it rolled down my cheek,
I can't control it...

Reached CS,
the only place I knew I could run to is Music Kaki,
It was the only place in CS I felt like home.
I rushed, I didn't see the road,
I crossed it like there's no tomorrow..
I reached there, hoping huiz would be there.
But she wasn't.
But thank God Wayne was there...
I went in there,
and I just cried on the spot!! Embarrassing though..
Wayne consoled me... Helped me...
I was feeling better.

Vic,
you left me there,
I was so hurt my darl,
I love you really much,
At that time I was contemplating that whether did I made the wrong decision to trust you or love you,
But I hope this won't happen to me,
I don't wanna fall to pieces..
I just had enough of crying for you,
I wanna be happy about the things you did for me,
I wanna be happy about what we have..
You're so important to me,
so important...
I love you so much,
there's no word could express how I feel about you..
I hope that we'll be able to go through loads of challenges together.
I heart you.

Thank you all for everything, I truly appreciate it.

Tracey dearest,
Thank you for your blog post, its truly touching to know that they is someone like you there for me,
and I am so freaking grateful that God placed someone like you there in front of me, a sister who would go through the ups and downs with me. Like yesterday, you were there for me 24/7! And its like you understand everything, its so hard to fine someone who feels the same and thinks the same as me, and there you are sis. Its like you're my another twin, its just that we look different. I'll stay strong, I'll be the happy nicole you know. Cuz that is who I really am. The emo nicole is vanished from now on. Thankz a lot my dear sister... Thankz so much! Love you lotz!

家源：
我看到你写的东西～怎么说我还蛮感动的～
谢谢你的关心，我会一直保持着笑容～我会坚强的面对困难～
昨天，只是个小小的障碍罢了～哈哈～我会面对它的～哈哈！
谢谢啦～～～^^

To Tracey and Sze nee..

Tracey:
Hey sista.. its been a long time since i see you or hear from you,
Never get to hear your adorable voice...sigh...
was suppose to watch movie together but I wasnt able to go...
Sorry sis,
But First thing of all!
I miz u so much!!!!
Gosh, come to think about it, we're sorta alike,the way we think and do...^^
But of course you are much more adorable than me,
Haha! Anyways, really hope to see u man!!! Haha..Love you loads!!! Mwah!

Nee:
there u go, yr pic... I think its really adorable dear!
Haha...
I miz u during the hols too...
Hope you have fun during the camp...^^
Thankzx and thankzx again for being there for me always always....^^
Love u lotz! Muackzx!

I am back!

Just got back from penang... its an awesome trip i guess?
got loads of pics to upload but I am sorta lazy,
I juz picked a few here and there...
Just cut my bangs,
Looking like a small gal i mz say...
Had a lot of fun in Penang..
I got loads to post now!!
Okay, first the Olympics...
Woo-hoo!!!
My favourite Olympian of all...
Mr. Phelps!!!( I think he is mostly everyones fav!)
he is soooooo hot!




















And there is Kobe Bryant, my fav. basketball player, although I must admit,
this game I watched hours ago was sorta disappointing...
But, USA still won Spain... Hehe...U go dreamteam!!!




















Okay, enough of Olympics..
Tomorrow school is starting,
kinda psyched...
But...
At the same time its like time for pressure...=(
However, I can meet darl once again...
I can meet tracey and nee, and yivonn,
and I am really happy!!!
Haha... Irony feeling..

to my beloved,

Its a new start for us,
there maybe loads of challenges in the future,
but I hope for the best...
I pray that God will watch over us..
I pray that God will be there for us no matter what...
Thankzx so much for all the things u've done...
Appreciate it with all my heart...
thank you so much~
I love you.

Do i deserve a post like this?

I dont think i deserve to be a committee... I really dont think so..
I am afraid I'll disappoint the people around me and mostly the people who are above me...
Its difficult.. I got no experience in RS... I am new towards this stuff... and now I am the leader?
Vic said there's no point complaining cuz I am already here..
I am already the leader and I cant change that...
Yeah, it might be true... But really.. I have no faith in myself...
People might have faith in me, but there's no point if i dnt have faith in myself...

Vic, do forgive me..
Do forgive me for being like this always...
being all emo and stuff..
But whenever the sky turns black, the rain starts falling....
Raindrops start touching the ground,
I can't control but to be like the weather,
gloomy, sad and down....
It cant be controlled I dont know why..
I start savoring the weather,
thoughts will rush into my head,
my heart starts to feel heavy,
my eyes starts to filled up with tears...
For no reason...
Maybe it's because of the hurt from the past...
That still lingers in my heart...
Make my heart bleed,
its still healing...
and Vic you are my medicine...
I love u very much...
I dont know bout the challenges we'll face in the future..
But we'll face it together,
it makes us tired,
but I hope it makes us love each other more,
makes us rely and need each other more...
I hope so...
I love u.

☆All around me ☆

All around me

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm still alive, I'm still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you, you

I'm still alive
I'm still alive
We're still alive

And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

So I cry
Holy
The light is white
Holy
And I see you
Only You

And I'm alive
I'm still alive
We're still alive

And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

♥I am yours...♥

To my darling Victor...

I am really sorry for posting such a hurting post before that...
I decided to post something specially for you... Just to tell you how I feel and everything...

I am so in love with you,
I really am in love with you...
I never felt this way before,
never felt for someone like this before...
this feelings are indescribable...
I get so excited when I see you,
feel so happy when I'm with you,
I don't feel nervous,
I feel that I am myself...
When we sit close together,
my heart beats so fast,
When we talk to each other,
when we looked at each other,
I just kept hoping that time would stop for me,
so I could just face you and talk to you for a long time...
The size of your hand,
the broadness of your shoulders...
are just nice and perfect enough for me...
You're all I want,
You're all I need,
I want to hold onto you till the end..

Those words you said to me touched me in every way,
you said you gave your whole heart to me,
I promise I'll take good care of it,
you said I am the first girl you loved so much,
I am the first girl who showed you what love is,
the girl who you cant stop thinking of no matter where you are...

I am really sorry that I doubt your feelings for me at first,
I am really sorry that I don't trust you...
I am sorry...
Now I am taking that big step,
I am gonna be brave to step out,
and to trust you...
I will...
I won't wanna let you down ever ever again~
I am yours...
I ♥ you.

♥I am weak, I am useless without you...♥

What is it thats going on?
I really dont know why God put so many challenges between us..
I cant take it anymore..
It hurts really..
My heart is really tired...
Each time we get over something...
Another thing just have to come up...
It wont fail to make me cry, to break me down..
Maybe we're not suppose to be together...
Maybe its a sign?
I dont know.. But hell it hurts...
It hurts so much...
My heart is so bruised...
So bruised from everything...
God please dont do this us...
Please...

How I hope you could see my pain!

I've been faking it all the while, without you knowing...
I really wanna tell you how much pain I am going through loving you...
But what if I tell you you would never wanna talk to me ever again...
I am sorry but I am an obsessive bitch... Jealousy can take over me very soon...
And this is who I am.. I hide it so no one would see it including you..
I bury it just to let it disappear....
But its getting worse somehow cuz it'll never disappear...
It has been growing inside of me,
but I am controlling it...
Just to let it disappear slowly...

The time we have to spend are just too little...
I am so afraid I might lose you,
I am so afraid you'll go somewhere else,
and leave me here waiting for you,
I am so afraid that you'll be gone in my life....
I am filled with fear,
all that can't be described using words...

I know I cant own all of you,
I know I cant take your heart for myself...
I know I cant hold onto you always....

Thats why thoughts of me letting go off you resonates in my mind,
But I am not strong enough to let you go...
I am not brave enough to let you go...
I am just too weak..
When you are beside me...
I am too weak to make this decision..
Too weak..

I've been crying inside all along..
I wanna try to trust you,
I really want you to show me where and how to trust you..
But till today you haven't gain my trust...
I am sorry...

I do really love you,
I do...
I love you so much...
Too much that every small mistake you made,
made me so mad and hurt...
And every word you said that just touched my heart,
wont make me stop falling for you...
I will just keep on falling into the dark pit...
I cant get out...
I am unable...

What a Saturday....

Yesterday was a weird day... I cant really explain...First there's down then there's ups...
First... It was my friend... A friend I never thought would react this way to me... Who gives a shit bout that bitch really, she is a true disappointment... She wrote a composition about me.. first you'l think its so sweet.. but hell havent started yet! She wrote how much she hated this friend of hers... She wrote that I have the intention to steal her boyfriend!!! Its like WTF! Hello!! I am way not interested in him man! Totally not my type of guy!!!! Man... its way way ridiculous that she said stuff like this...Man man... I really cant imagine how stupid can that get! Haha! Later on she wrote about me being so irresponsible about handling her stuff... Its like she said I kept on delaying, I am like haha!! Hello! I've been really busy okay! I am trying my best to do the best for you cuz you're a friend that I cared about! Its stupid really..haha~!! Something for me to laugh at at least... Stuff like that wont bring me down... But I really got comments to give her
" well... Mrs whatever, I dnt think I wanna name you at all... well you've been really weird... Like the first thing I could never never accept that you saying me wanting to steal your boyfriend.. Come on man! Your boyfriend is just a friend and I would never want him.. And I really think the way you lock him up.. thats so sad for him somehow its not my business.. the big point is.. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MAN!!! You know its really sad that you treat me this way, cuz I seriously cared about you cuz you were cast out from our class... Later on, I realize it was yourself who cast it upon yourself... I realize after the charity sales activity.. I knew you did a lot... I knew you tried your best... I was there to try to believe that you did your best.. Yet... after that I realize... You're so good to put the blame on others... Its like wtf!!!! The more I write the more I get really pissed off!!! But I gotta be calm anyhow. You're just a faker.. If you really hated me then say so.. Stop pretending.. Cuz I really hate fakers!!!!"


Okay.. society day.. Today is our Election day...
It was a blast!
We've got a new committee....
The president is none other than my darl...Victor. It was kinda predicted somehow!haha
The vice president is Traceline, I am so proud of my babe!!!
Educational Section Leader is Xin Yi.. She deserved it!!!
Recreational Section Leader is none other than the insane me!
Art leader is Ching2... She rockz man!
secretary Cora, ass.secretary kai xuan,
treasurer Yin toong,
auditor Yin yee
General Affair is Mr beaver...
An awesome commitee! It'll be a blast next year!!!! Haha!!!!

My next project is the farewell party...
Hmmm... time to get started! haha...

Loves,
Nicole Jaden

For people who really cares...

Just got a new blog,
To let those who really understands me, who really loves me,
who really cares about me...
I am so sick of fakers...

I am just who I am, and nothing is gonna change that..
I love being who I am...
No one can change me...

I have a life that I really love,
A family who is there for me,
Friends who are super awesome,
And an awesome guy who I really love...
And I am happy with this life!

I just wanna thank my dearest sister Tracey for writtin a post for me.
Its really awesome and touching,
She is just the only girl I think who really understands how I feel...
She is the only girl who really cares and been through the same things as me...
And I really thank God for letting me know this awesome girl!
Cheers to our friendship ahead!
I love Tracey to bits!!!

Loves,
Nicole Marie Jaden