*i cant help it*

I know we couldnt get back what we were, I know you told me clear enough, I can see that. But how am I to stop myself from thinking of our past, we were perfect, imperfectly perfect. You were the one who knew how to tolerate my weird temper. You knew me like the back of your hand. But, now we are just nothing but best of friends. I appreciate you still being very caring towards me, still loving me like before. But, its different now. You're being so mature and aware of your own future, which is a good thing. You kept stressing bout exposing yourself to so many things in life... I mean that makes me love you more, makes me look up to you more.

The thing is I cant help but to keep thinking of you... all the time, think of our past. I am hating myself so much because I ruined us, and got myself hurt and messed up.What will people think of me, I just dont care, but I couldnt deny that I am messed up for sure. I mess myself up. I got myself hurt twice by two different guys. What the F is wrong with me, I dont know. But for sure I hated myself for falling for someone who wouldnt regard or care for my feelings and broke someone I really love so much.

Vic, what am I to do? You're going to jakarta, and I cant contact you whatsoever... those weeks are gonna be agonizing for sure...I'll miss you so much.... Vic, I could never cast you out of my life, I tried...but its impossible, and I am not going to try anymore. You are part of my life, you always will be.