There is not particular reason why I would wanna call myself an idiot. But, really... I do not make a great girlfriend. Stupidity had just got into my head all the time, I am weak... So easily controlled by my overwhelming emotions, so weak to let it take control over me. Why for once, cant I even take control? My head is not in agreement with my emotions. I dream, I imagine... All the things that is not going to happen, but, it wounded up even worse. Victor had been tolerating my stupid temperaments all the time, I guess its making him insane... I don't know, but I always, live in resentment after all the temper that I threw. Knowingly that the person beside is trying his best to make me feel better, knowing he had the power of making me feel better, yet, I just have to ruin his mood too. I am such a sucker. What the hell is wrong with me!!!!!
Pressure, loser? The pressure is getting worse for me. I am trying so effing hard for my exams, yet... I made it worse. I hate the feeling of losing to someone I rather hate, or I should use the word dislike. I can't take it. I would psycho myself telling myself that I am going to do better next time, telling myself time and time again that its okay. But... it seems this psycho-therapeutic thing isn't working at all... at all... What can I do to be better when I just kept working hard? God please tell me how....
Lost in somewhere called the unknown? I am lost in some place, trying hard to find what I want, what I am good at. But why can't I see the light? Why can't I find my way? What is hindering me from finding my way. I open my eyes wide, but is it wide enough? Why won't I stop torturing myself. Letting myself feel pain. The pain in me just trembled every vein in me...
Being emotional? Its true that I am. Females are the ones that are so emotional...
I have to stop this, I can do this.... (psycho-ing myself again) I wanna be strong, I wanna be independent. But I can't... I am drowning... The water level is getting high... Having an acute pain in my heart... Trying... so hard... to .. stay strong.......
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