Irony

What are you to me??

Why do I feel happy all the time when you text me, yet i know,

clearly that there's someone else in your heart.

I got hurt by you a thousand times,

you told me we wont work out,

yet I rebelled against my heart,

I still care for you,

to me,

you are someone special, and no one can replace you in my heart.

I told myself to move on, and be a better person.

Tell myself that without you I ll be okay.

Clearly, Its not working.

Because you ARE something to me.

I am just stupid, blinded.

The truth is, you are just too special for me to let go.

So I decided to keep you in this special place,

and let you be my motivation to do better.

Once its broken it will always be broken

Sometimes I tell myself there is still hope for us, there is something that we can do to mend us.

I guess I was always wrong about that. Just like a broken mirror, once it is broken its impossible to patch it up together. Even though we did pick up the broken pieces and patch it up together again, there will always be a scar. A scar that is impossible to heal.

The photos we had, the letters we wrote, the times we had just flew away with the breeze. The hurt in me was somewhat torturous, agonizing, excruciating. The pain is so intense that I couldn't even shed a single tear.

People said, cry out your river, build your bridge and walk over it. Leave it all behind.
I wanna do that but its so hard, its so difficult for me to do that. I close my eyes, I see you behind my eyelids. I see us, us that doesn't exist anymore. The pain is too tormenting.

I'll let my dreams drive me forward, and let it keep you in a place where you should always be. In my memory.

ILY

Why is Paramore being discovered only NOW?!

The moment I had my ears on the lovely guitar playing by Josh Farro, and amazing vocals by Hayley Williams, I was in love with the band Paramore. That was raftly about 4 years ago? I was addicted to their music. And thanks to Vic that I was able to own Riot. I had them playing 24/7.

The thing I find funny that everyone only discovered them like right now... when their Brand New Eyes album is out. I got no idea, why..sigh.. But it is so good for Paramore that even people that loves... Taiwanese stars even love Paramore...So it shows how great Paramore is!!

Paramore is rocking Sg this coming Sunday. I cant go..what a shame..but its okay... there are better chances... I would love to go to their best show..which i think they would play mostly in US.

Paramore Rocks. So love them.

...speechless...

I have officially start my lectures this week, things aren't what I expected. The standard of degree education has really took its way up to a higher level. English for business purposes is rather complicating, as I had never ever in my life got such assignments before. But of course Nic would never give up that easily. The rest of the subjects are fine. Thank God that I got the basics of Accounting and Economics. Hallelujah! Tomorrow's lecture would be Quantitative Methods. Hope it ain't frustrating...

VICTOR
You have been acting weird these days, getting busy with your life, and we're so far apart and I try so hard to catch up with you, I miss you so much. But you on the other hand is busy with your classes. I am not blaming you of course. My life is going to be so busy next week. I have long hours of courses, I guess I won't be talking to you that often anymore? I dont know. I know that you are feeling down with your Uni stuff, hoping to get into the Uni you want. I understand how you feel, you have all the rights in the world to feel down if you didnt get the acceptance from the Uni. I totally get it. You chose to go to KLIUC. I guess if thats your choice then I hope you are happy with it. Don't even think that I am happy that you are coming over to KL and we can meet each other much often. No, I am happy when you're happy. Even though you are in KLIUC, but I am in Selangor and you are in KL. We still have quite a distance from each other. All I can say is I love you very much. As always. All I pray for is for you to be happy thats all.
I love you Vic, so so much.

Stilettos and women

As I pace the mall crowded with people, seeing women walking in a pair of stilettos is somewhat a common scene to find. They walked with full confidence, and amazing posture. Some wore peep toes, some wore gladiators, some wore pumps. And I would always admire their beauty in a corner, always hoping that one day I had the boldness to wear my peep toe pumps and parade the malls just like the ladies I admired and gave full attention too.

So yesterday was the day my boldness was somewhat found and I decided I shall wear my peep toe pumps and go shopping with my godparents. I pair the peeps toes with a navy blue gap casual long tee and my leather leggings. My peep toes looked good in this outfit. And I thought I looked amazing. And so walking under the scorching heat with this outfit seem ridiculous to many, but as women, or rather ladies, we just don't bother as long as we looked good.

I arrived the mall, I stood out the car, walking straight up with full confidence, but at times a little self-consious. So I did what I always wanted to do in a very long time is to parade the mall in this pair of peep toes. I, like many other ladies were admired by little girls. Little girls who always wanted to be like us when they reached the age of vanity.

However, pain visited me in just two hours time. My ankles was getting tired, and I had cramps on my legs. And I had to put a smile on my face as I wouldnt want to show my aunts and godparents that I was walking in pain. I had to hold on to shelves in shops to rest my legs for a few seconds. It was such a tormenting trip. Yet I refuse to show pain, I refuse to give in to the pain, my ego is never going to be stepped down by this pair of peep toes. I walked, paraded the mall with a great amount of excruciating pain.

I managed to pull through and off we headed into the car. I took off my heels as soon as I stepped in the car. I then had a sudden relief, as if something heavy was off my chest. Relieved was the only vocabulary I could ever think off after that.

Sungei Wang

I woke up in a shock around 11 am, I had to blame my room for being so dark that I could hardly even see the sunlight. I knew that I was about to go to Sungei Wang around 1pm. So I rushed, get myself done speedily fast(my fast applies to an hour and a half.)

The weather is really unbearable, hot yet humid. Not every Caucasians favourite weather. My housemate and I had to squeeze like a sardines in the small car. 4 of us in the backseat.

Sungei Wang is packed with people, for obvious reasons. It was my first time actually to have a stroll in sungei wang. The place is filled with shops that its not really my liking, the mall is rather rundown compared to other malls, its like the holiday plaza in Johor. However its a place filled with cheap stuff... Of course dont expect anything unique, as most of the stuff is imported from China, and obviously its comes in a big bundle. So things there are quite typical in my opinion. I didnt quite enjoy strolling in this mall. The only thing I was satisfied is that the magazines there are cheap, Nylon was only 9.90, American issue. And the Gap tee was 19, and of course lovely and satisfying lunch. I had Teppanyaki, heaps of vege and cuttlefish. I was so stuffed with all of the food. Cuttlefish panfriend teppanyaki style, seasoned with salt and pepper. Sprinkled with fried garlic. LOVE! Wish I could have it now AGAIN! (starving, I am...) Enough of the food talk, thats all about Sungei Wang. I have to make a move to satisfy my growling stomach with a cup of mushroom soup. Peace out.

Jesus is Awesome!!

I always believed that God has His plans for me, wherever I go... I am so grateful that Lord has everything planned out for me...

Finally I have started my Uni life... My darling parents are such wonderful darlings...they have been running errands for me and allow me to settle down.. I really am grateful for them.. I'll miss them so much..sobs.... God has been watching over me...my present apartment is so much better than the one i am suppose to live in... I really am grateful towards God, I love him so much!!

Father God, I pray that whilst I am here.. I pray that you will guide me, sent the Holy Spirit to watch over me, and not let me astray. I pray that I will be in favour with God and men, I'll be the head and not the tail, be a winner and not a loser, and be a conquerer in Christ Jesus. I love you Father Lord. Amen.

I miss you Vic, and I promise. I'll keep loving you till one day, if God has his plans.... I love you Vic. So much!