Peanut Butter and Chocolate

YAY!!! :D

2011-06-03T05:38:00.001-07:00

Yay! I completed my last assignment for the semester. Phew!

But I can't be too happy yet. I have to sit for my finals like in 2 weeks time? :( I have to start tomorrow so that I can get good grades. :D

Anyways, we were told to do our internship at the end of this year. From the month of December to February. 3 full months of intern. No holidays for me.... I am deciding to intern in Shell or maybe P&G. Hope I get it. Or maybe I can try Loreal. We'll see how things go. * SO WANNA WORK IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY* :(

Going up Genting in few mins time to release stress... :D xxx

1 more to go!!

2011-05-30T07:37:00.001-07:00

Finally, the moment that I have been waiting for, I have only one more assignment left to hand-in! Like FINALLYYY!! But it brings me a step closer to my finals. Good or Bad? :/ This semester is totally stressful I must say. The subjects are not easy AT ALL! :( So worried about Management Accounting and Business Law. Well, I got the Lord with me, everything will be okay. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philppians 4:13 Amen.

My family came up KL for the weekends.(parents went up Ipoh on Sat and Sun for LC. :( ) So I guess its just some quality time with my sisters and uncle Chu.My weekend was pretty decent. If only my parents were around, it will be much more perfect! They drove back today cuz Rachel has to catch a flight to Jakarta and Bali for a holiday. ( Jealous! ) I want to go to the beach!!! :(

anyways, my friends and I were planning to make a trip to Melbourne next April! Well, that get me all excited already! :P They are suppose to buy the ticket on November and the trip will be on April, for nine days! Arhh.. I am so going this time! I wanna meet Uncle Chu and Aunt Theresa. Spend some time with them and stuff. Plus, David MIGHT tag along! Who knows? But I am SOOOO EXCITED! :DD hehe...

Anyways, back to my Marketing assignment now... :(

19 more days to FINALS! SOOO FREAKING SCARREEDD ALRIGHT! :(

Photoshoot

2011-05-28T08:48:00.001-07:00

Evening Look

Casual Look (looks pretty boho to me. :D)

Work ( Behind the scenes)

(From Left: Zheng Hui, me and Yen Yen)

David and I <3

Shan and I. ( She is my stylist for the day! :D)

Today was my first ever time modelling (its not really modelling, it is just a school project). I was actually helping out my highschool friend Yen Yen in her school final project. Well, overall experience was fun! Yen Yen rented the outfits from Padini. In my opinion, the outfits are amazing. I am considering to purchase it! :P We did three looks: Work, Casual and Evening wear.

Too add on, my boyfriend is so awesome. I gotta thank him for everything today. For fetching me to college all the way from Damansara to Puchong to pick me up, then taking

my sisters out. He is really amazing! I love you sayang!! <3

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

PS: the photos aren't the official photos, there are just the 'behind the scenes' images taken by my sister. :P

Facebook Statuses

2011-05-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

I just came across a few old statuses which were posted by my darling. I just can't help but feel the sweetness in my heart. I feel the butterflies in my stomach too. It just made me laugh when I saw this.

It has been 11 months and 3 days since we got together. Happy 11th monsary to my one and only! :D I am so happy to have you, I am so delighted that our love and bond are growing stronger day by day. I LOVE YOU!!!

You are my hope, Jesus

2011-05-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

This is the first ever post I really posted about God. This few weeks have been really hectic, busy... It was literally crazy. I could not even breathe. I was so desperate for God to actually work a miracle in my life. It was so tough, and it has been awhile since I really sat down quietly and actually prayed to God. Out of desperation, I did. I felt bad that I actually went to God out of desperation, because I should look to Him, pray to Him and talk to Him every single time. Amazingly, God as always would never forsake me. He was there.

He lifted my burden. My shoulders were lighter. As written in Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. It is really true. Jesus gave me the strength to go through this week. It was so amazing.

Jesus, you are so real in my life.

" In our life be lifted high, in our world be lifted high. "

Thank you Jesus. I love you.

Don't give a damn

2011-03-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

I never got so mad in life before. It almost drove me to my grave. I finally confronted her. I tried so hard to get my point to her, but dang... it doesn't get into her thick skull. She is all concerned about how she feel rather than opening up her ears to listen, or rather, open up her eyes to read what's in the context. She might think I became a total mean bitch. Well, let it be then. I was very much offended by all the things she said, those that were right in my face. I despise the way she would unintentionally( thats what she said, pathetic) said those hurtful words. Also, the vulgarity that comes out from that mouth of hers? Unbelievable. People around her might think I am way mean to her... but to me, I am not. I am just trying to let her know, she weren't being nice to me in the first place (she was before she met that bunch of monkeys.) why must I be so nice to her? iisshh.... Her boyfriend is a total douche. He got David and I pissed till the core. I just wanna laugh at him like mad. I mean what does it got to do with him. Arhh... Shallow minded people should just beat it man... what a douche.

I felt a burden lifted off. I feel much better rite now anyways. I said what I need to say. I could careless about what they think. Especially people from FY. I never like that school anyways, leaving that school was like starting a new life again. People there can suck ass. ( except my awesome friends. )

Well Rested! :)

2011-03-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

My eyes look so small today... :(

Maybe because I slept so much last night, and I actually slept through dinner time, and thanks to the weather which have been totally co-operative with me, I had rested well enough.

A big yeah for today because I have only one class, and later its badminton session! :) Cardio time! ;) but for now its homework time... :(

Morning World.

2011-03-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

Good Morning peeps! Gonna start my day in few minutes time, it's gonna be a long day... Hope it'll be awesome!! :)

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

2011-03-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

It is pretty much true when people say that the environment and people around you change you. I wouldn't deny that I have changed, but definitely changed for the better.

I do not know whether I should be glad or sad to find a knife stabbed behind my back by someone close to me. I kinda expected this from her anyways. I knew that this friendship wouldn't have last to begin with. Both of us have different taste, different opinions. For me to find out that she has been blabbering behind my back is not a surprise.

Well, let me get this straight: the words that came out from that mouth of yours is just down right pathetic!

" Nicole很像一杯水倒进什么杯就变什么形状" Well darling, let me rephrase and explain: you are the water, I am the CUP! :) Oh and I forgot, for you information, someone actually used the exact same phrase on you. So stop making a fool of yourself. Isssh

My taeyoung?

2011-02-18T08:37:00.001-08:00

My one and only got his new haircut on Valentine's Day, ( and actually did some amendment).

Well I personally think he looks really really hot in this haircut... :x

Well, 6 more days till I see him. Pysched to da' maxxx!

Oh and 2 more days to our 8th monsary... Well, I still have forever with him! ;)

David Kee Herng Chiech you're my best! and I loveee you! :*

Family Portrait

2011-02-18T01:52:00.000-08:00

Before cny 2011 ends, mummy suggested that we as a family should take a family portrait. Well, we dressed up just for the photo taking session which lasts about 30 mins.

Valentine's Day 2011

2011-02-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

2011's Valentine's Day was amazzinngg! Well, it is indeed my very very first and official Valentine's Day celebration. & of course to celebrate with my one and only David couldn't be any better! :)

What a coincidence that my family dinner was placed the day before Valentine's Day, and I had the opportunity to celebrate with my lovely David. To see him the first thing in the morning was so blissful(Its been a month since we see each other).

Anyways, I won't break down what I did on Valentine's Day cuz it'll be pretty lame to do so. :/

I'll just post some photos up! :)

Sayang had a new haircut!! He look so darn hot! *drools* XD

I am the luckiest woman on earth... tee hee... :P

Sayang's 'movie star' pose (named by A Christina.:P )

I had an amazing dinner, yakiniku rice, some crab omelette, cawamushi, soba noodles and chicken katsu oyako rice( wtv the name is. ;P )

I look horrible in this picture.. :/ but its okay... I had an awesome time anyways. :)

Burlesque Inspired Make-Up?

2011-02-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

I am always a fan of matte make up, and I am always unlikely to be seen in falsies, red lipstick or dark eye make up. However, this is, well, my very first time putting on heavy make up, and I am pretty happy with the results. :)

Credits to Shannon my sister. :D

Plaid Shirt & new hair colour

2011-01-26T01:23:00.000-08:00

A special thanks to Che Che Kathryn(David's sister)for giving me this lovely yet simple christmas gift-the plaid shirt.

I know that plaid shirts have been worn by so many people for nowadays, however, in my personal opinion, the plaid shirt can never be out of fashion. I guess it depends on how you wear the shirt, and what you pair it with. :D

Oh and I finally got my hair dyed to a new shade of colour. It looked lighter than my previous hair shade though. I used Liese Bubble hair colour in chiffon beige.

Missing my baby so much. :'(

2011-01-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

Its been a week since I was with sayang, I am missing him so much right now. :'( I guess I gotta really wait for a month till I see him. Plus, I guess he can't make another trip down to see me...:'(

Sayang and I in tea garden.
Late birthday dinner in Nyjimaru
Had LC in Naza hotel, took this picture during break time. hehe

In CS.

Arhh...I just need to fill the whole month with something... like my driving lessons, hang out session with my friends..etc....

I miss you baby...

Two weeks gone in a flash

2011-01-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

I have been occupied for the past two weeks, merely just spending quality time with my darling David. He finally made his second trip down to Johor for a week! :D I am just so happy that he did. We managed to stay in Desaru for a night. Having him and my family around me, its just purely blissful. I couldn't ask for more. :)After that I made a trip up to KL to spend some time with him. So it was two solid weeks of sticking to each other. :D Lovelay... However, I gotta wait for a month plus till I could see his amazing face and physique. Here are some pictures of us in Desaru and places in Johor.

Beautifully written

2010-12-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

I was looking through past convos of me and my darling, and I somehow came across this little passage I sent to him. I cant really remember who was the writer to this passage, copying it here makes me feel like I am plagiarizing. :| Anyways, so here it is:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those are the sweetest words evaaa!!! ♥

2010-12-27T01:43:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I got pretty mad at you. I gotta admit that I was being really childish... TBH I dont act like that all the time, but sometimes I can't help it, everyone is a little selfish sometimes right? :x I should be understanding too. I am really sorry for being mad at you when I shouldn't have. You are sooo awesome!!! ♥

When I saw your FB message just now I am soooo extremely touched by your words. :D
This is what you said: *I had to write it out... Its so extremely sweet :')*

"I love you so much for caring so much about me. I love it and really appreciate it. Please dont think i dont. And baobei, it's not that I wont take care of you, it's that Im not literally there beside you, but I will still do everything I can for you my love. Eventhough you dont see me often, I hope you never forget how much I love you and even more love to care for you"

Darling, you're the best BF eva! & I love you heaps! :)

PS: I guess you're in SG right now. Gosh I miss having breakfast with you everyday. But I really can't wait to see you and spend time with you.... :DD Few more days babeh!! teheee ...

4 more days and i am finally 19

2010-12-26T00:19:00.000-08:00

Amomgst the rest of my friends who are officially 19 or have been 19 4 quite sometime, I am finally turning 19 in 4 days time. My birthday wish? Nothing big, nothing difficult to be fulfilled. All I need is you, David Kee to be with me physically on my birthday. Thats all I need, but I guess that's pretty much impossible.

I really have no mood to celebrate my birthday at all. This pretty much sucks big time. :(:( arhh... :'(

Singapore Trip

2010-12-21T03:45:00.000-08:00

I am back for good to continue blogging about the amazing trip I had in Singapore with David. ;)

To be frank, I've been living next to Singapore too long that I have never stayed there before, well, so the past few days were my first ever time residing in the Lion City. :D I stayed in Royal Plaza at Scotts Road with David and his mum. :D

this is the hotel.

Well, it was a 3 Day 2 Night trip. For the first day, my family drove me in, so basically I had the day out with them and David of course. My family's main objective to go in was just dropping me in, and take Rachel around Orchard Road to photograph the Christmas lights. We had heaps of time to kill, so we dropped by Bugis just to get some cheap deals. TBH, I despise walking on the streets of Bugis, I hate the crowd, I hate the bustle, I hate basically everything there. Except for SOME of the clothes. I managed to get 2 pieces of dress, a tie dye maxi and a striped short dress. After the long walk, we headed back to the hotel for a little meet and greet session with Aunty Christina. She is such a darling to invite us over to the lounge to have high tea. The food there were French Pastries, little chicken terriyaki pieces...etc... The food taste awesome. :) After enjoying awesome tea, we went walking around Orchard. :D So basically here are some pics from the trip. (pics of dav and I)

The second day was a chillax day for both of us. We had bfast then chilled in the room for awhile and off we go walking around SG. I bought a pair of MNG pants. AWESOME buy. :D after that, we had MOS burger for dinner! :D tehhee... I am so in love with the Yakitori Rice Burger. I so miss it now!! Pics of us having MOS burger.

After that back to the hotel, we were in the internet lounge camwhoring. hehe... ;D the Apple iMAC is pretty much an arse computer. Probably I am just not used to it. :P (sorry for cursing Apple, you are a good company) We camwhored near the pool lounge too. :D

The third day Dav bought a pair of Nike low dunks. In black and teal, which I think Dav looked amazing in it. The shoe itself rocks big time. :D

Anyways, that about it. I loved those three days spent with him. and I miss him so much now. :( I want to be back in his arms again! sobs...

Crazy and exciting week! :)

2010-12-19T02:19:00.000-08:00

Last week was really crazy and hectic, but no doubt AWESOME. ;) (well not that awesome.. :x)

Okay, I am gonna start on the Youth Camp which happened last Friday. I was totally excited for this Youth Camp really, I THOUGHT that I was gonna have the most exciting time of my life in this camp. (The theme for this camp was: Camp Xtreme) I was told that the activities for this camp involves jungle trekking in the night, going through heaps of obstacles(obstacles that are placed in the lake, mud...etc.. :&). Well I packed and got totally ready to have fun in this camp....But oh well.. ARHH..I must say I am such a loser.... The moment I stepped into the dorm that I was supposed to stay in.... My anticipation to have fun from the camp went from 100 to 0! Well, we have to sleep on cement platforms (that is why we were told to bring along sleeping bags), the toilet was so faintly lighted, each toilet cubicles were so small that I think it could only fit two petite girls, and we had to bath from the bucket. (well I do sound like a spoilt brat here, but its so much worse that you could ever imagine. :( ) The first day of camp was pretty interesting, in terms of activities. We were divided into groups, we were assigned to do banners of our group. I was in Team Alpha... So our flag looked pretty awesome. Too bad I got no pics to prove, but I swear my group's flag was second best compared to Shannon's Team. :P Well after that was tea time, THE FOOD SUCKS BIG TIME. :/ After washing up( well I didnt bathe.... with the bathroom conditions... i dont even dare to set foot in there.... :/ ) Sermon time, after sermon we had the activity, which was jungle trekking in the night, without a torch! So it was like Broga Hill except without torch lights, and hiking alone or maybe in pairs, which made everything much more scarier, much more terrifying. Plus we were told that the jungle is filled with spirits... :| that made me shiver.... However, girls are allowed to hike in pairs.... (Y) ;) My partner was Eunice. It was fun but also terrifying to fumble through things in the jungle, we had to hold onto the ropes that were tied from one tree to another. We made it in 30 mins. ;) Well.... Sleeping time was like tormenting, except that I didnt sleep at all... which made me a total zombie through out the next day. :/Thank God that mama came to rescue and I got out of terrifying camp! (Y)

We went up KL, nothing much though, the best part of the whole KL trip was the pre-xmas dinner that Aunt Mary prepared, which were totally worth salivating for! and David was with me. <3>

I left KL on Monday, went in Singapore on tuesday. :) Gonna blog about Singapore on the following post! ;)

Life has never been better!

2010-12-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

It has been ages since I really 'blogged' here. I guess it was since I got into a relationship, and I never had time to actually write things down.

Things have changed so much since I got into a relationship with David. Life has been so different, interesting, lovely... you name it. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. His smile makes my day, and he just knows how to pamper me. Life has never been better since he set foot in my life. I can't wait to see him next week and we will be spending 3 days together Singapore, along with his mum too. Bliss I must say.

Time passed so fast that I actually finished my first year of Uni. I guess life has been enjoyable much! I am back home for three months, I will be learning how to drive and get my driver's license. Bzzzz... ._.

Anyways, Church camp this week, from Friday to Sunday, after camp up to KL straight for e mary's xmas dinner, and back down on Monday. Exhausting. However, I will be seeing my sayang on Tuesday! Wheee...

No more Fun time to study!!

2010-06-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

This week has been pretty goood I might say... :D Peisi and Minzhi came up KL, which is an awesome thing. Having them here with me I couldn't ask for anything more.

Wednesday was pizza dinner, I called quite a couple of people over... David, Gary and Joshua. We ordered 8 freaking large pizzas, which is really insane!! hahaha... But thanks to all the dudes, we managed to finish everything... :) I went to KDZ (记得食) for supper... The Mango Sago thingy is really awesome!! Thanks to David's recommendation. :D

David is really something.. I mean, he is really cute... :P He is the sweetest thang ever... okay... I guess thats enough of him. :P

Finals are so near, I gotta start studying... I am really freaking out!! :( I am not in a mood to blog rite now actually, but just to write something down... i wrote a pretty crappy blog post. Oh well.... whatever. I think I lost my inspiration to write... hmmmm....

PS: I got bangs...yes...AGAIN! Thanks to Vansha, its a new look for me. :D

Vansha and I in The Gardens. I hope she gets accepted in one of the Unis in UK... Hmm... I really hope so. :D

When was it since I stepped in??

2010-06-06T02:33:00.000-07:00

Its been ages since I blogged at blogspot. Arghhh... I still love blogspot! Tumblr is a lil complicating!

Uni life is pretty much awesome these days, people are cool. However, I miss home so badly... Miss my parents very much... I miss home cooked food, I hate being such a baby... "Stay strong and be independent" is my motto since I set my foot up KL.

Vic and I are finally over, which I think we should call things off a long time ago! Thank God, cuz I am just too tired to be tied down into that relationship. My heart feels so much relieved. No more hurts from my past relationship.... Vic wasn't really the type of guy for me, he wasn't really the right person for me.... 我的确爱错他了. Since then, I keep telling myself differences its the one thing I could never compromise if I fall for someone.

Well, life is getting better now. Finals are coming soon, gotta start mugging, and I have one month with my fam!! :D Yeepie!!

Irony

2010-04-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

What are you to me??

Why do I feel happy all the time when you text me, yet i know,

clearly that there's someone else in your heart.

I got hurt by you a thousand times,

you told me we wont work out,

yet I rebelled against my heart,

I still care for you,

to me,

you are someone special, and no one can replace you in my heart.

I told myself to move on, and be a better person.

Tell myself that without you I ll be okay.

Clearly, Its not working.

Because you ARE something to me.

I am just stupid, blinded.

The truth is, you are just too special for me to let go.

So I decided to keep you in this special place,

and let you be my motivation to do better.

Once its broken it will always be broken

2010-03-08T04:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I tell myself there is still hope for us, there is something that we can do to mend us.

I guess I was always wrong about that. Just like a broken mirror, once it is broken its impossible to patch it up together. Even though we did pick up the broken pieces and patch it up together again, there will always be a scar. A scar that is impossible to heal.

The photos we had, the letters we wrote, the times we had just flew away with the breeze. The hurt in me was somewhat torturous, agonizing, excruciating. The pain is so intense that I couldn't even shed a single tear.

People said, cry out your river, build your bridge and walk over it. Leave it all behind.
I wanna do that but its so hard, its so difficult for me to do that. I close my eyes, I see you behind my eyelids. I see us, us that doesn't exist anymore. The pain is too tormenting.

I'll let my dreams drive me forward, and let it keep you in a place where you should always be. In my memory.

ILY

Why is Paramore being discovered only NOW?!

2010-03-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

The moment I had my ears on the lovely guitar playing by Josh Farro, and amazing vocals by Hayley Williams, I was in love with the band Paramore. That was raftly about 4 years ago? I was addicted to their music. And thanks to Vic that I was able to own Riot. I had them playing 24/7.

The thing I find funny that everyone only discovered them like right now... when their Brand New Eyes album is out. I got no idea, why..sigh.. But it is so good for Paramore that even people that loves... Taiwanese stars even love Paramore...So it shows how great Paramore is!!

Paramore is rocking Sg this coming Sunday. I cant go..what a shame..but its okay... there are better chances... I would love to go to their best show..which i think they would play mostly in US.

Paramore Rocks. So love them.

...speechless...

2010-03-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

I have officially start my lectures this week, things aren't what I expected. The standard of degree education has really took its way up to a higher level. English for business purposes is rather complicating, as I had never ever in my life got such assignments before. But of course Nic would never give up that easily. The rest of the subjects are fine. Thank God that I got the basics of Accounting and Economics. Hallelujah! Tomorrow's lecture would be Quantitative Methods. Hope it ain't frustrating...

VICTOR
You have been acting weird these days, getting busy with your life, and we're so far apart and I try so hard to catch up with you, I miss you so much. But you on the other hand is busy with your classes. I am not blaming you of course. My life is going to be so busy next week. I have long hours of courses, I guess I won't be talking to you that often anymore? I dont know. I know that you are feeling down with your Uni stuff, hoping to get into the Uni you want. I understand how you feel, you have all the rights in the world to feel down if you didnt get the acceptance from the Uni. I totally get it. You chose to go to KLIUC. I guess if thats your choice then I hope you are happy with it. Don't even think that I am happy that you are coming over to KL and we can meet each other much often. No, I am happy when you're happy. Even though you are in KLIUC, but I am in Selangor and you are in KL. We still have quite a distance from each other. All I can say is I love you very much. As always. All I pray for is for you to be happy thats all.
I love you Vic, so so much.

Stilettos and women

2010-02-27T22:17:00.000-08:00

As I pace the mall crowded with people, seeing women walking in a pair of stilettos is somewhat a common scene to find. They walked with full confidence, and amazing posture. Some wore peep toes, some wore gladiators, some wore pumps. And I would always admire their beauty in a corner, always hoping that one day I had the boldness to wear my peep toe pumps and parade the malls just like the ladies I admired and gave full attention too.

So yesterday was the day my boldness was somewhat found and I decided I shall wear my peep toe pumps and go shopping with my godparents. I pair the peeps toes with a navy blue gap casual long tee and my leather leggings. My peep toes looked good in this outfit. And I thought I looked amazing. And so walking under the scorching heat with this outfit seem ridiculous to many, but as women, or rather ladies, we just don't bother as long as we looked good.

I arrived the mall, I stood out the car, walking straight up with full confidence, but at times a little self-consious. So I did what I always wanted to do in a very long time is to parade the mall in this pair of peep toes. I, like many other ladies were admired by little girls. Little girls who always wanted to be like us when they reached the age of vanity.

However, pain visited me in just two hours time. My ankles was getting tired, and I had cramps on my legs. And I had to put a smile on my face as I wouldnt want to show my aunts and godparents that I was walking in pain. I had to hold on to shelves in shops to rest my legs for a few seconds. It was such a tormenting trip. Yet I refuse to show pain, I refuse to give in to the pain, my ego is never going to be stepped down by this pair of peep toes. I walked, paraded the mall with a great amount of excruciating pain.

I managed to pull through and off we headed into the car. I took off my heels as soon as I stepped in the car. I then had a sudden relief, as if something heavy was off my chest. Relieved was the only vocabulary I could ever think off after that.

Sungei Wang

2010-02-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up in a shock around 11 am, I had to blame my room for being so dark that I could hardly even see the sunlight. I knew that I was about to go to Sungei Wang around 1pm. So I rushed, get myself done speedily fast(my fast applies to an hour and a half.)

The weather is really unbearable, hot yet humid. Not every Caucasians favourite weather. My housemate and I had to squeeze like a sardines in the small car. 4 of us in the backseat.

Sungei Wang is packed with people, for obvious reasons. It was my first time actually to have a stroll in sungei wang. The place is filled with shops that its not really my liking, the mall is rather rundown compared to other malls, its like the holiday plaza in Johor. However its a place filled with cheap stuff... Of course dont expect anything unique, as most of the stuff is imported from China, and obviously its comes in a big bundle. So things there are quite typical in my opinion. I didnt quite enjoy strolling in this mall. The only thing I was satisfied is that the magazines there are cheap, Nylon was only 9.90, American issue. And the Gap tee was 19, and of course lovely and satisfying lunch. I had Teppanyaki, heaps of vege and cuttlefish. I was so stuffed with all of the food. Cuttlefish panfriend teppanyaki style, seasoned with salt and pepper. Sprinkled with fried garlic. LOVE! Wish I could have it now AGAIN! (starving, I am...) Enough of the food talk, thats all about Sungei Wang. I have to make a move to satisfy my growling stomach with a cup of mushroom soup. Peace out.

Jesus is Awesome!!

2010-02-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

I always believed that God has His plans for me, wherever I go... I am so grateful that Lord has everything planned out for me...

Finally I have started my Uni life... My darling parents are such wonderful darlings...they have been running errands for me and allow me to settle down.. I really am grateful for them.. I'll miss them so much..sobs.... God has been watching over me...my present apartment is so much better than the one i am suppose to live in... I really am grateful towards God, I love him so much!!

Father God, I pray that whilst I am here.. I pray that you will guide me, sent the Holy Spirit to watch over me, and not let me astray. I pray that I will be in favour with God and men, I'll be the head and not the tail, be a winner and not a loser, and be a conquerer in Christ Jesus. I love you Father Lord. Amen.

I miss you Vic, and I promise. I'll keep loving you till one day, if God has his plans.... I love you Vic. So much!

I'll Miss you

2010-02-21T08:31:00.001-08:00

Time flew so fast that it is my time now to go on with my life.
Vic, I'll miss you very much.
I can do this, and I will heed your advice.
Thanks for such a lovely day yesterday. I enjoyed everything about it.

Thanks. I love ya.

having fun to the fullest!

2010-02-18T10:15:00.001-08:00

I am at my weakest and most exhausting moment right now and yet my will to blog didn’t fail me. I had to blog as the memories and emotions are still strong enough to bring out life to my post.

I attended a CNY party in Kong Hao’s yesterday. The house is filled with people. The ambience of new year filled the air. I was in the mood of celebration, drinking and most of all FUN! I was able to meet up with Peisi and Peiqi. I was jumping from one person to another, catching up with my friends. Purely having so much fun. I had a can of Heineken and few glasses of red wine. I had a Merlot. It was quite okay, though Merlot did nauseate me for a moment due to my bad experience in drinking. We were camwhoring, acting like the craziest bunch ever.

This is me writing the lantern. The whole lantern thing works this way. Its a Chinese tradition for us to write our wishes on the lantern, light it and let it fly. It is suppose to make your wish come true. It works like the hot air balloon theory. In Chinese is called Kong Ming Deng. Hmmm.. I am not too sure its going to fulfil my wish but it sure did amuse me. :D

There goes the lantern… Floating in the air. Hope it makes its way to heaven to grant my wish.:)

I went to Peisi’s around 2 am… Chatted with Peggy and Peisi till 5 am in the morning. I do love doing this. Though I am experiencing the after effects of it now. sobs…sobs..

We went in Singapore later in the afternoon, settled some administration errands in SIM. and off we head to Marina Square.

I took this photo before heading to SG. ROAR!!

Okay, I have to say Kong Hao did spend quite a fortune(not really a fortune) on this bear thingy…. We spent and hour plus in that arcade and went home…EMPTY HANDED!! i have to admit I love the bear..its cute…but no..its not me… It’ll end up like every soft toy in my place..making friends with a civilization called DUST! Not every toy is like Fury(my white seal) that lucky..hahaha…

Anyways, I had such an awesome time with them. My system is going down very soon in just a few minutes… I am so so exhausted…. I love you Peisi, Peggy, Kong Hao… thanks for today… I had an awesome time with you guys..we must do this again sometime…

Goodnight world.

Uni life?

2010-02-16T08:43:00.000-08:00

When I was a little younger I always thought that I would start my college life in Melbourne, I always thought that I had the chance or at least I thought that it is confirmed that I would be in Melbourne furthering my studies. Seems like my dream didn't come true. I would be starting in KL instead. Doing everything local. However I had to admit that studying in Melbourne is rather challenging because the Unis are rather hard to get in. I always thought Victoria Uni is quite and okay Uni, but after hearing from my aunt. I dont think so.

Well, starting in Taylors would be different. I am somewhat excited and nervous at the same time. A new chapter of my life will start very soon in just a few days. I hope I wont wound up clubbing and stuff. Cuz thats not what i wanna go for.

I have only one thing to focus on is to migrate to Aus. So, I have to work hard and see how things go. I dont want this dream of mine to perish just like my furthering my studies in Aussie dream. God will lead me..

Its 1 am. I think I have to turn in. Movie day tomorrow followed after Kong Hao's cny party. Hope I wont get drunk tomorrow. I ll have limited alcohol consumption. ( I hope) Cuz he has a box of merlot and heineken. maybe a cup of merlot and a bottle of heineken will do. Thanks to my uncle that I have a little knowledge or two in wine. :D

Peace out.

CNY 2010

2010-02-15T20:34:00.000-08:00

The poon family portrait.

I had no idea why won't I post a valentine blogpost and CNY blogpost together. Oh well, awkwardness would be my excuse for it. This years' Cny and Valentines day falls on the same day.

The sound of the crackers filled my neighbourhood in the strike of twelve. Some people might think its a nuisance, some people love the feeling of it. For me, its just a little disturbing because I was half asleep. sorry for not embracing cny's ambience.This is what I wore for CNY. The blouse is from Aus, ginger floral skirt from cotton on, nine west heels, and the bib necklace from forever new(aus). My dad finds the bib necklace weird. Oh well... Oh, not sure anyone noticed, I actually dyed my hair, its a little dark brown. I am satisfied. I guess that what I am opting for. :D
This is me setting up the dinner table in my grands' place. I had the best dinner for the past two days. Love.

I head to CS with the family to watch Percy Jackson and the lightning theif. I would rate that movie 4 out of 5. its kinda good. but its so harry potter-ish... No doubt is directed by chris columbus.

School starts next week. Freaky.

Valentine’s Day

2010-02-14T01:06:00.001-08:00

Chinese New Year and Valentines day falls on the same day I guess… It is much unique this year… Last year I was able to celebrate with a someone special, but this year seems to be much different. I had no valentine. But I guess somehow its valentines day we must let the person we love know that we love them, so I decided to put it here. Maybe he’ll see it, maybe he wont. At least, I did show my love for him.

God has his own plans, I always tell myself that. He has his time for me to have something, to experience something. I got in ELS, and coincidently you were my partner. Both of us were leaders to lead the society to take part in something we never took part before. There I admired your leadership, your capability, and to find that you were kind hearted, you had qualities that I’ve never seen anyone had. I was amazed, yet I told myself I couldn’t fall for you, because I see myself as someone incapable, I find myself just like any other typical girl. Yet, God gave us the opportunity to get to know each other, and you were the one who admired my capability, you said I was pretty even though I looked like a mess, you encouraged me and made me laugh when I was down. You were someone that I needed to see every day, you were someone who played such an important role in my life.

My stupidity and curiosity broke our bond. It left us alone crying, shedding tears of pain. Fill us with hopelessness and despair. We never did saw this coming, we never thought that just someone insignificant could just tear us apart. You would always advice me, never let anyone’s words affect both of us, yet, as ignorant as I am, as naive as I was. I heed your words and brought us here. We needed each other, but we couldn’t embrace each other anymore. Because you were filled with fear, fear of getting yourself hurt again, and I was filled with regret. However, today appears to be Valentine’s day, I am still having the card you gave me, I read through it again. And today I will tell you that I love you. I love you so much, and I would never put you in such a situation again. I will always love you till God has something else or someone else for me, only then I will move on from here, I’ll keep our memory in a special place, a place no one can occupy, only you.

Vic, I love you.

Back to basics

2010-02-12T03:09:00.001-08:00

Went to Singapore yesterday with Peisi. I have to be honest its my first time going with my friend, and I had no idea whatsoever to travel around Singapore. I have to be honest I dont fancy Singapore that much apart from the abundance of fashionable clothes. However the rest, I’ll just keep it to myself. Thank you Peisi for bringing me around, and to take the trouble to take me to places I’ve never been, I had a great time with you. Love you so much!!

I still miss Australia a lot, miss everything about it. But its time for me to go back to reality and go to KL and start my Uni life. Australia can wait for three years, I will be back as I said before.

Had a short time chatting with Kong hao and Peisi. I really enjoy their company and their funny jokes. I really love spending time with them. I will so miss them so much if I were to go to Uni. Love you guys heaps.

Vic is on his way to Jerantut, and I am staying back for CNY here. No other plans. My feelings for Vic is somewhat complicated. I dont know what am I to do if I have to stop seeing him for a few months, I dont know. Life has to go on. I made a promise to him, that if I would see him again in the future, and there is a possibility that both of us were to see each other often, and if both of us were to be single. I would give both of us a chance again. Vic, lets leave us to God to decide. If you are mine, you’ll be mine eventually.

Happy to be home♥

2010-02-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

I am so happy to be home, apart from the bad air and boring roads, but to be able to be with my family is really the best thing ever. I couldnt be happier enough to spend time with them. Two weeks more to Uni, I am trying to cherish as much time as I can with them.

I love you mum and dad. You both are the best ever.

♥

Back to the same routine....

2010-02-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

Time passed so fast. I was really shocked that my 5- week holidays is all over. I stepped out the plane, I wont stop whinning about how humid the weather is, the grass is much yellower than Australia. And so on... I really miss Melbourne. I miss the architecture, miss the air, miss the people, the place, miss it a lot. But I ll make sure that I ll be back there again. Because I love the city, I love everything about it.

Went to check Taylors out today, and I got my application accepted. So I guess there's where I am going to start my new life. It fears me, new environment, new people... I am scared..But at the same time I am excited to be able to start a new life.

I am having a slight jetlag... Off to sleep I's going to....*yawns*

Missing Uncle Chu and Aunt Theresa...=( sobs...

put a smile on your face though it hurts

2010-02-05T06:33:00.000-08:00

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Surprise!

2010-02-04T04:37:00.000-08:00

It was such a boring day for me, I was so reluctant to go out. The weather report reported today was showering... So I had no intention whatsoever to set my foot out today. I was literally laying my arse on the couch flipping through channels. There I sat, and my godfather came home from work. He went upstairs... then came down again. He walked towards me, streched out his hand and gave me the box. " A gift for my beloved goddaughter" he said. I sat there, stunned, filled with joy. He bought me a new netbook. I was so pysched. Happy, contented. I couldnt believe my eyes. I jumped and hugged him. Slurring thank yous a lot... as my eyes and focus was on full concentration on the netbook.

I guess this Aussie trip was really a great one, my godmother bought me a pair of 5 inch nine west. and my godfather bought me a netbook. I guess all these years I havent been in contact with my godparents, and I think they enjoyed my company around them. This trip didn't only filled me materialistically but spiritually. I learned so much, I really got myself exposed.

I had to thank Vic for all of these. The root of this trip was because Vic was on his way to Jakarta, and I thought I couldn't handle it, so I thought that I would also go on a trip to Australia to expose myself. It was a decision out of impulse. And I managed to expose myself. Learned a lot.

PS: Yesterday was a great day in St. Kilda beach, I was soaking myself under the sun, being one of those tanning wannabes, but I guess it didnt turn out that well, cuz I wasnt all that tan after the sun bathing. Thanks to Nu Skin's SPF lotion. BTW, there's this italian guy named Natt came over and said to hi to us. I was feeling unusual as I knew that there was someone who has been noticing me from afar. I felt weird. So then he said Hi, introed himself, and asked me and shan to come over to his party, in fitzroy. How random is that. He had dread locks and a lip piercing, I suppose I would rate his looks as above average. If I were daring enough, I would go to his party. But somehow I know that I am not such a person. Anyways, a moment to remember. We were smart actually, he wanted our number, but we asked for his. So great stuff, no harrasments to handle. LOL.

Changed me?

2010-01-28T04:03:00.001-08:00

Before coming to Australia, I thought it would be tormenting to be faraway from home. Homesick is like inevitable. The first week was what I've expected, tormenting. Agonizing. It was slightly unbearable cuz I wasnt use to it at all.
The second week turned better, it was a better week for me, exciting was the word. The first venue I visited was Philip Island. The waves and the colour of the sea water, was really amazingly beautiful. The wind was chilly, it was a 20 degrees day. The city life was even better, buying a tram ticket from the chemist and board the tram was my usual routine. Then I got off to Colin Street, where branded goods like hermes, chanel, louis vuitton, etc was located just right there. There I started walking along until I reached Swanston Street, where Myers, David Jones was all located there. A shopping heaven. A couple of baskers filled the streets, many beautiful people roam the streets in their latest fahionable wears, from the most expensive Salvotore Ferragamo shoes to the cheapest Rubi shoes.

Meeting new people, people who mostly lived half a century, there we sat having fine dinner every night, with the accompliment of red and white wine. Listening to advises from them, from money to love, to marriage. Almost every day I was travelling on various luxurious car, BMW 7 series, Mercedes S class, to the adorable mini.. etc. Visiting houses that cost almost 1 and half mil. then I thought to myself, yes, this is the life I wanna live.

I wanna live a comfortable life, a life where there are no debts, this is no dream because many people out there are living such a life. The key is not difficult. It is just to be knowledgeable in the area of your job, and while buliding your own riches, never hold back for anyone. Most ladies here that I've met built their own riches, they arent reliant to their spouse. This is what I want to be.

Melbourne, a city where you can find beautiful parks filled with the abundance of greenery just right in the middle of the bustling city. Living in Melbourne is just like how the city is located itself, everything out there is moving fast, but deep down in your heart there is peace and serenity, it is somewhat irony.

Yes, Melbourne, I am coming back here once again. I'll live here very soon. Just a few more years and I am able to enjoy your beauty. Embrace it.

whatever it takes

2010-01-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

Vic I'd always wanted to tell you this...

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

love=coffee

2010-01-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

Life in Melbourne

2010-01-07T03:21:00.000-08:00

Life here is so different from Malaysia. Its hard to be faraway from home, I really miss my home a lot. In the past I've always wanted to be here, to be able to able to have a chance to travel. And now, I have the chance, I am complaining. Hoping that its not so long.. one month is truly long...
I have a month to go... I really wanna enjoy my time here..

Vic, I miss you a lot here. Whatever you said yesterday hurt me insanely. I hate it... I love you very much, and its like I feel something missing in my life without you. You are the only thing I know like the back of my hand... I really cant take it if I am not talkin to you, not with you. How can I take it when I am away from you?? .... I miss you a lot..=(

Why is this happening?

2010-01-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

I never could understand why things are happening this way for us. All those promises we made were just crap anyhow, all those things we said are just crap.

I could feel the pain in my heart, as if a knife stabbed through it a thousand times.

I knew I loved him from the very bottom of my heart, I gave everything I had for him. But, all I get is hurt after hurt. People are loving out there. People are doing good with their the other half. And I am not. I see people walking in the streets, hands twined together... I looked at them with admirance. Hoping that I would have that chance to roam the streets together once again with out hands twined together. Who knew, it was just merely a dream. How naive and stupid I am.

Maybe after this, I will never trust anyone that easily anymore... I guess focusing on my future is what I ll do, after all, I m not going SG anymore.. Taylors will be the school for me..so.. I ll stay there..have my life there. Live once again differently, changed. Better. Without you in my life anymore.

I still love you, but i have to protect myself and stop doing that.

having fun but miss home

2010-01-02T02:17:00.000-08:00

Melbourne is great. The weather is chilly, not hot Yet. I enjoyed myself very much. I had bacons and egg in the morning cooked by U.Chu. After that we went to Victoria Garden, which is a shoopping centre, and bought some food for tomorrow's dinner. And off we went home. Had pasta for lunch, & the funniest and most interesting part after lunch was that U.chu taught us to drink wine, eat cheese. It was a nice experience. I think i ll be drinking a lot! =P

We went to the park near the apartment for a stroll.. It was filled with abundant of trees, flowers. etc...Its really lovely. It also has a small miniature waterfall. It is so cold and chilly everywhere. What a summer it is!!! Its suppose to be 30 degrees, but in fact it is 13 degrees!! How shocking!

We had vietnamese for dinner. Nice meal, and it is my first time having a vietnamese meal. Great experience.

I do miss home a lot, miss my family. It is agonizing being away from home. But i have to learn how to expose myself at such an age. Mummy, daddy and Ray.. I miss all of you badly. =(

Vic, I miss you a lot too... =(

Few more hours. =D

2009-12-31T05:52:00.000-08:00

Yipee.. I am leaving M'sia tomorrow to a very new place for a month. I am so so pyched!!

I ll miss Vic so so very much... Vic love, thanks for the scarf. =D I love you. Enjoy your trip in Jakarta. mwah.

ILY Vic

Christmas together.

2009-12-26T05:17:00.000-08:00

I had a way different xmas this year...Its kinda sad that I didnt managed to celebrate with the Josephs and Aunt Mary.=( But, there's something much more different and better this year.hehe..

I went to Vic's grandma's house for Christmas luncheon. Something small, quiet. I was able to finally meet his family. Great stuff.=D I love his mum, she is like the best thing on earth ( apart from my family and lovely Vic) She is such a soft spoken lady... I just love her. It was nothing great, but to be able to meet Vic's family was something big for me.. So.. thanks to my good courtesy it went out well.. tee-hee..

Vic love, its our first xmas together... I hope to have more xmas together next time. =D

I look so ugly here.. Vic looks nice.. My hotsie. whatever..=(

Btw, thanks Shan and my lovely friends for throwing a surprise party for me. I was so touched that all of you did this for me. Had a lovely time with all of Y'all. Mwah mwah mwah!!

Vic love, thanks for doing so much for me on that day, thanks for the midnight swim..haha.. I love it. Thanks for sleeping with me on that uncomfy couch, thanks for sacrificing your sweater and socks for me that night, sorry that you have to be so chilly for the whole night. I love you vic. mwah!!

swee nightmare

2009-12-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

Dreadful thoughts kept flooding my mind. Both of us are going to part sooner than I could imagine. I am struggling and despising that time isn't something that I can get hold of and control.

"You looked me in the eye, flooded with tears, yet, you let your ego take control of you. You maintained your poise, try to be strong. You gave me a hug, so warm and so addictive. A hug that I know clearly, I couldn't have for a long period of time. I wept. Eyes swelled, nose red. Face drenched in tears. Heart aching. "

The moment I opened my eyelids, I thank God that at least this isn't happening just yet. And yet in the sudden moment I was sadden by the fact it will happen, soon enough.

Leaving you isn't something that I ask for. I hated the fact that I would have to face the future, without you by my side anymore, you'll be some where far. I hated the fact when I needed someone, and you're not there anymore, when I need love and comfort you're not there anymore, when I opt for a warm hug and a romantic kiss, you're not there anymore.

I am terrified, traumatized by the fact, that we are going to part, very very soon.

ILY VIC.
"9 more days"

* Best of our lives*

2009-12-17T01:45:00.000-08:00

The Final Verdict

2009-12-17T00:49:00.000-08:00

Average. That is what I would rate my UEC results. In fact, I did cry, shedding tears of disappoinment. I worked my arse off this exam but I just got an average result. I'll congratulate those who did well.

The thought of applying for a Uni is really dreadful, the only thing that portray in my mind was endless research and endless paper work. I am sure that this feeling came from the lazy bones in me. Speechless bout that.

My sisters went to Singapore, I am sure they are having so much fun right now, enjoying themselves in Escape theme park. I am not too sure why I rejected my sister's offer to follow her. Sorry my darling ray for not going there with you, i am sure i ll make it up to you. sorry my darling.

new environment

2009-12-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

I am so pyched that I am finally going to Melbourne on January... it is so so awesome... the feeling is like sorta undesribable... I am so happy that I am able to leave to a new environment.. I pray that it will be good.. I really need some fresh air, off to some place better than here... where places will remind me of very sucky memories... memories of my mistakes.. and i hope that after i come back here, after a month, it ll be great... i ll have some bastards off my mind.. which is good...

*but for that only you, I will definitely miss... its forever hard to get you off my mind and head, but i hope i will... it ll be good for us this way... for you and me, like you said..20 days on counting... ILY.."

21days

2009-12-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

ILY VIC

the countdown

2009-12-05T05:56:00.000-08:00

Give me sometime, and I promise that I'll let you go after my birthday. Next year. Next year will be a new start for me, a new year, without you in my life and heart. I'll go Melbourne, lay off for awhile. I am going to miss you a lot, because you're part of my heart and it is so hard for me to take you out. Whatever it is, no matter how painful it is, if this is what you want for me, I'll do it.

25 days
ILY

Thanks guys... Muaks.

2009-12-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

thank you to all of you for accompanying me every single day, life would definitely suck without all of you. All of you have been keeping my mind off things and all.. i love you guys so much... Muaks.

I am sorry

2009-12-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

Pics

2009-12-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

need you to fill my void

2009-12-02T06:02:00.000-08:00

this of course isnt my first time I am sewing. For someone like me to sew this is really something, detailed work doesnt = Nicole. However this is out of love that I did this for Vic. Love could really make someone do crazy things like this.

*I feel superbly comfortable around you, I needed no one else but you. Meeting you today was the best out of my weeks. Through out the whole movie, the closest I could get to you was my head on your shoulder, thats all. And, I am satisfied. You are part of the reason why I didnt want to leave for Aus, because I couldnt bare to lose contact with you. I thought it'll be easier for me to leave Aus when you are just about to leave for Jakarta, it'll be a good time for us to just stay away from each other for weeks. Hope it'll be good.*

Vic, come here right now and fill this void that you use to occupy. It is only meant for you and no one else.
ILY VIC

Bum?

2009-12-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

The moment I opened my eyes, I set my eyes on that white fair ceiling, the same old ceiling I've been seeing for the past five years. The next thing that came out of my mind was: what the hell am I going to do today?? This question has been a frequent visitor to my mind. I feel awful knowing that I am not working, not earning a single cent but just frequently spending my folks' money, I feel useless... My friends are doing productive work out there, and me?

I need new things in my life, I wanna keep my mind off things.. I wanna meet new people, I wanna be in a new environment, somewhere far from this area. I am still contemplating whether should I ask my godparents if its okay that I should be there in Melbourne and work there. Stay there for a month. But, I guess I dont have the guts to do so, I still linger on the things here.. its like damn effing irony.

I feel like some sorta bum, just staring in front of boxes and not leveraging on anything..
F! I am pissed..

Back to where I was

2009-11-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a while since I was laid off from school. My routines can be decribed with one word : boring. Yes, very boring. I couldn't find anything that can amuse me in my house, apart from my hilarious mother and sister. I decided to go back to my own routine of reading fashion blogs, and how I love ro indulge in their creative writing, which would impress me without fail. It also brings me to their life of constantly attending fashion shows by many fabulous designers, staying in hotels like the ritz-carlton or four seasons, it is indeed a lifestyle that everyone wants to live.

It frustrates me so much that my friends are just working and getting money, and I, I just sit in front of the computer the whole day, facebooking, and reading fashion blogs. How I wish that I get paid to do all of these stuff..( I am sure everyone hope for that too!)

I am opting for a change in my lifetstyle, and of course place. I want to go to Paris and live for a few years, this is one of the things I want to do. I want a change in my environment, a change in the weather and architecture. But, it is of course a fantasy of mine, and soon to be reality. My dear Vansha would agree with the change in environment and people.

Oh dear Paris, I sure miss your cold air and scent, I sure miss your lovely architecture and night lights. And I promise I'll be back very soon.

drowning

2009-11-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

I couldn't stop repeating the scene from new moon when Edward left Bella in my head. It so heart wrenching. I cried during the movie. And I do feel the pain badly. No idea whether is it because the movie really got me or is it because I am feeling the same too...

Having to lose someone you really love really does hurts, he is so near yet so far. Knowing that going back is just not possible. I feel so empty. I could sit in a corner, and just daze, and suddenly cry because I am hurting so much inside. The pain is way too numb. Sometimes I cant even cry, I just dont know what to do.

" it suddenly feels like a hole punched inside my heart, and the edges of the hole burning...."
adapted from New Moon.

this is what I am feeling now, and always been since I left you...
The hole in my heart hasnt heal either, it just get bigger and bigger. And soon I feel like I am drowning. I cant get hold of my breathing.

Nothing could distract me from thinking of you everyday. Its sad that you dont feel the same. I wont blame you for I cast this upon myself.

i cant help it

2009-11-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

I know we couldnt get back what we were, I know you told me clear enough, I can see that. But how am I to stop myself from thinking of our past, we were perfect, imperfectly perfect. You were the one who knew how to tolerate my weird temper. You knew me like the back of your hand. But, now we are just nothing but best of friends. I appreciate you still being very caring towards me, still loving me like before. But, its different now. You're being so mature and aware of your own future, which is a good thing. You kept stressing bout exposing yourself to so many things in life... I mean that makes me love you more, makes me look up to you more.

The thing is I cant help but to keep thinking of you... all the time, think of our past. I am hating myself so much because I ruined us, and got myself hurt and messed up.What will people think of me, I just dont care, but I couldnt deny that I am messed up for sure. I mess myself up. I got myself hurt twice by two different guys. What the F is wrong with me, I dont know. But for sure I hated myself for falling for someone who wouldnt regard or care for my feelings and broke someone I really love so much.

Vic, what am I to do? You're going to jakarta, and I cant contact you whatsoever... those weeks are gonna be agonizing for sure...I'll miss you so much.... Vic, I could never cast you out of my life, I tried...but its impossible, and I am not going to try anymore. You are part of my life, you always will be.

two is better than one

2009-11-22T07:04:00.001-08:00

"I remember every look upon your face, the way you roll your eyes the way you taste, you made it hard for breathing..."

quoted from the song two is better than one

All I can do right now is only think of the past, linger in the past. I miss you, I do. I miss everything about you. People say move on, but i say its easy to say but hard to do when you really love someone and gave out your all to the person.

I miss you a lot vic. You said, things arent the same anymore. Maybe u think it is. n i dont blame you for that.

i miss your smile

2009-11-21T06:30:00.000-08:00

Even though I stole this picture from someone else's profile, but I somehow love it. Its such a shame that I wasnt the one who took this pic. I wish I was. I miss everything bout him, especially that smile which I had taken away from him months ago. And it did hurt me a lot. All I can say is:

*I miss your lovely smile*

I keep you in my heart

2009-11-19T19:15:00.000-08:00

It was 2:23 am when I decided to turn in. I lay there, bombarded with our memories. I can't help to cry again and again. I cried out every single aching in my heart. Resenting every mistake that I've made. I can't imagine that I ruined something so close to perfect for me, I ruined something we have built for a long time. We love each other so much, gave all we have to each other. Got ourselves broken at the end. I respect your decision. Maybe you are right that we should keep things this way? Maybe we should stay this way. Separated. It is so hard for me to agree with you. I was suffocating when you said that we shouldnt be together, because we are in a position so uncertain. You always look at the future not the present. You always do things in the right way. At least we wont hurt that bad in the future. All I can do now is to keep you in my heart and get on with my life. Everything I do I think of you, everywhere I go, most of the things reminds me of you. At least I have memories lingering in every corner. At least I have something of you.

I'll definitely miss you like nuts when you are in Jakarta for a month. I'll miss you so very much. You promise me that we'll hang out as much as we can before you leave. I hope you can spend my birthday with me and my family. That would be perfect for me.

I guess this would be the last time I would say this to you before I can say it again freely and happily. Once again:
*I heart you*

!!!wowness!!

2009-11-11T02:06:00.000-08:00

Is there such a word called "wowness"? no idea, but i sorta created my own. There are so many reasons I am wowing for the moment. First is, wow, i went shopping with my mum today, i got a black dress with really weird design, but who cares cuz its unique. and i bought a denim studded jacket. that is the real wowness. cuz damn i've been looking for a studded jacket for sometime. so its yipee!

Second wowness, is meeting my bro with his ex in cs. that is a real wow. i thought both of them quarrelled? no idea. but as long as he is happy i am cool. if they get back together she better treat him well. technically its none of my business. haha...

Third wowness, my darling vic is coming home on Fri. yipee..i cant wait to meet him before i take off to Penang. Miss him so muchie!!

Fourth wowness, I am going Penang. So its cool that I get to lay off from here for the moment. gotta enjoy the heat, the food, the beach and attend a cool wedding. hope there are cute german guys there?? hahaha...

Cheers peeps.... expect the unexpected.

I dont care

2009-11-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

So what if I got drunk on the first time clubbing. Everyone has their chances of being messed up once in awhile. I got drunk after prom, and I am not regretting it. It doesnt mean that people who hit the club is wild, cuz its just who party people are, we are just opting for some fun once in awhile, cuz life gives a shit once in awhile. Having hung overs might suck but I like it somehow, its like a relieve for my own emotions, to cry out the unhappiness, and the dissatisfaction in life.

Yes I need a break, a break from this place, a break from everyone. Desperate and in need of a fresh place, to see fresh faces. To look at the streets and see beautiful people, beautiful buildings, brighter skies, beautiful fashion.

Zooey Deschanel

2009-11-09T19:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, she looks like Katy Perry, but she is not. She is ZOOEY DESCHANEL. You might see her in Failure to Launch or the recent movie 500 days of Summer. She is just so so gorgeous. Love her!!=)

Love Sick

2009-11-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am love sick. Its 12:37am in the morning, and I am trying to force myself to bed but I just cant. I cant stop missing you. Its killing me!

I've been restless the whole day, I tried casting you out of my brain for a moment but I just cant. I nap and I dreamt of you ( a couple of people were in my dream, Jason was in it, no idea why) I close my eyes and I see you. But, I guess this feeling is not tormenting or agonizing to me this time, I am actually enjoying the feeling of missing you, cuz maybe its worth it? ....

But, the worst part is that I cant see you till I get back from Penang which is next Tuesday. Sobs... I'll be leaving on Saturday night, and you'll be back on Friday? You'll probably be so tired and you wont wanna get outta your house by then... sobs... i'll miss you so much.....=( I am trying so hard to find ways to get to bed but it isnt easy..hate it! Sleeping Pills... I need them!!!! I am suffering from love sick....Vic vic... come to my dreams now....=[

PS: Congrats to Jason, that he got his driving licence. I am sure he is so happy, or maybe just happy. no idea. but for sure I am happy for him, not that he is gonna drive and look for me, but just pure happy. =] So that means, bro, the mags are ready for pick up. haha... you're half naked lady is waiting to be picked up, and I want FHM please. i wanna see the veronicas please!!! I cant wait anymore. =(

Saving us

2009-11-08T04:48:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing for a long time, but, you're right, I should start doing what I love. Get back to the lifestyle I use to live, write love to you, write and describe every loveliness, every pain and wrath, everything in life that deserves to be written about.

We met each other, by fate. Having to love each others imperfectness and perfectness. We made a decision to hold each others' hands, and go through everything together. Everything. Happiness, pain, hurt, anger, anything and everything. We were madly in love with each other, we kissed madly each time we watch a movie, and coming out of theater not knowing half of what the movie is about, but this is what we are. We never failed to visit the record store, going through all of the record we love, you never believed in downloaded music, you despise bad sound quality, I tried convincing you but failed all the time. We quarrelled over the most stupendous things. We cared to much about what each other never did rather than what each other did.

Till the day, I got my feelings fooled, I got taken off the track. I betrayed your trust, your love, my promises to you. I was misleaded by someone who can only be and always be my best friend. I hear your cry through voicemails, I would cry every night feeling messed up, not knowing what to do, because I was hurt. I fooled myself, I thought he could help me forget what we have, I thought he could give me more than you can. I was in a dilemma. I hated the feeling of being in a crossroad and to choose. I went to him, only to find my expectations wrong, and got myself bruises and cuts.

Now, I am running back to you, with remorse, regret. Feeling very sorry with what I've done. And to find that you werent the guy I used to know, you grew, knowing your priorities. I lost my trust, you never dare to believe me, only leaving everything to God. But here I am now, I learnt from my mistakes, and I am never going to make them again. I am going to prove that I still love you...

I love you for being idiotic, I love you for being funny, I love you for being overprotective at times, I love being capable, I love you being smart, I love you for being sensitive towards my feelings, I love the perfectness and imperfectness of you.

Take my hand, we'll go through this together again, and I am not letting go this time. I swear I wont. Our hands will be stuck to each other with love, and trust once again.

FINALLY!

2009-11-08T00:56:00.000-08:00

....... I am gonna say kudos to myself that I finally graduated!!! whee...after six years of crap, fun, and being left out once in awhile...yesssshhh!!I am proud that I persevered.... I am proud of myself. Totally am.

Graduation was fine, prom was even better... Everyone looked really gorgeous. No comments to those who did fashion "faux pas". But the rest who dressed well, you all looked lovely. My favourite was hui xian, which she had the amazing dress on her, and a great pair of red pumps.. Lovely... For guys, most of them looked kinda alike, but I really have to add that Jason looked good, apart from his good looks, I guess he achieved that T.I look?? But his stare was rather like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. Hahaha... Vic was different, he looked smarter if only the hairstylist didnt ruin his hair... After party in Dolce was okay, fun I guess?? but the music wasnt all the good. My darling Pei shi was a 'bom" on the dance floor, I had so much fun but... it was sorta ruined by... that dude who pulled my darling off the dance floor. No comments about that. Got drunk and fell asleep... Was a total mess... I promise myself not to get drunk the next time, and to only go clubbing with my sista Shannon. Cuz at least there is someone who would look after me, who would watch my step. So I am planning to go this coming Friday!! Shannon I am in! hahaha...Cabana and not Dolce. lol...

Paramore is coming next year to SG. that means, I am gonna work and Paramore here I come. I've been waiting to see you live!! I have to be there!!!!! Anticipating to be there...=)

what am I suppose to believe in??

2009-11-03T22:38:00.000-08:00

I am shocked that you actually read my blog... All of those things that happened... shouldnt have happened if I saw this coming... I was real hurt... You dont wanna be the guy who hurt me? but you already just did... I chose to believe that you werent like him, you are different. I trusted you...but...I got betrayed... again?? Of all people you know how much hurt I went thru in the past, you knew. And I trusted you with my heart...

You said you dont wanna lose friend? Is that an excuse to run away from the fact that you didnt like me anymore? or you are just not ready to committ??

I am okay in the morning when everyone is here with me, being here with me when I needed them, but when its time to go to bed it gets so hard to sleep, the pain is way excruciating... it is too intense.... I cant believe it again and again that I was cheated once again, got betrayed again... I hate the feeling of being betrayed...

I am moving on, I'll try to. I'm gonna do okay without you. I'm sure I will. I'll go to college with no regrets whatsoever. Start a new life, and I m sure there's someone out there who knows how to love me, and appreciate me. I am sure of that.

thanks brother bank for accompanying me for the past few days.. without y'all I'll probably be dead by now....

I kinda saw it coming.

2009-10-31T22:34:00.000-07:00

I kinda saw it coming... everything.. your actions shows clearly, I am not blind, I am not stupid. But, I've grown up. I wont hate you because I am over such things. Things just happened in one way or another. Maybe we arent made for each other. we thought we were. We rush. But its a good thing we found it out earlier. Maybe the pain wont hurt that bad. I am fine without you. I am. You're a good friend but I would assume you're not a good boyfriend? Its just my assumptions. But, I would want to say thank you. Because I've learnt from my mistakes. I aint making them the second time.

Brother bank... I love you guys. I need all of you realy bad. But thanks for everything. You guys are the best.... we have to hang out on prom!! Have as much fun as possible. I am happy for Kong Hao.. Cuz he finally have his gal.. Couldnt be any happier. The amount of hardship you went through for her. Enjoy being in love cuz it really feels good to love and be loved by someone. =)

... Vic... probably I hurt you real bad... I am sorry I did. But I am making up my mistakes. i am sorry. I am regretting everything. I know you wont believe the things I said now because I betrayed your trust. But you are the one who never fails to watch my step, and take care of me. My eyes opened up, I could finally see clearly... I'll give some time... I am sure we can work things out... I am sure of that.

.....I am trying...

2009-10-31T04:50:00.000-07:00

I am tryin as hard as I can... just to ignore you, just to leave my phone alone so I wont have the thought of textin you.... thanks to my darlings for spending the whole day with me so I wont think too much... I wont have thoughts of you...

I dont know what we are now... since the day you kissed me I was confused... confused at what we were.... we did what couples did, but we arent one... I never could understand all of this...

Shan told me to ignore and stay strong.. but i cant... I am trying... I kept telling myself I can... but i am barely breathing...

I feel hopeless... I dont know what to do anymore...I tried trusting you.. i did... now i feel... betrayed.. i cared so much for you. I am so honest to you. but all i get from you is this???.... I am speechless

None of us are perfect

2009-10-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

The things you told me yesterday wasnt what i expected.... maybe its true that people out there is suffering hell a lot than me, maybe my life is much better than someone else's... that i would not deny... the whole point of me telling you bout me is cuz I thought you should know... I thought telling you bout me would help us.... I guess I expected so much.... Maybe I should stop thinking that things are gonna work out darn smooth for me. For us if you think there is one... I never thought I gave out my heart so easily to you.... you might say no one asked me to.... but I just did....

all i need is you to be there with me, be my best friend, be someone who AT LEAST care for me, love me...... am i asking to much??? .....

you came in took my heart away, i feel comfortable around you, i am in my own skin when i am with you... the thought of losing you kills.... what am i to do?? i am so scared when you just tell me you can do this anymore....etc..... i feel like i am just a replacement aint it??

You hide I seek... seek for the things I thought I should know... whats the point???

i am tired....

i want you and no one else

2009-10-26T23:13:00.001-07:00

My life has changed since you set your foot in it. I never thought that I would get so close to you, all i did before was to admire you from a distance, love that pair of deep set of beautiful eyes, listen to your crap all the time and recall it once in a while and laugh like an idiot. I never did understand what you were to me. You were someone else's.

But now, everything is different. You're more than the person who I used to admire and look at, you're so much more than that. You're someone I am so addicted to, you're someone who made my head spin round when we kiss, you're someone who I couldn't bare to leave, you're someone who occupies my brain for most of the time.

You made me shed so much tear for, because I care too much. You made me hate myself for crying so much, you made me get angry with myself because I cannot understand you, because I could never know what you are thinking.

Maybe its true that I couldn't live without you, maybe its true that I really fallen for you.

...Should I be happy or Should I not?...

2009-10-21T03:41:00.000-07:00

UEC officially starts tomorrow... and I dont know whether should I be happy or not? Been mugging my ass off and its so darn boring....

I want all of this to be over soon... Then I can have so so much fun....

I hate the feeling of missing someone, because it makes people so damn restless.... So wish to get outta it soon.... Havent heard from him for 2 days... and its officially killing me... Man... I miss him....

... Someone stop this song....

2009-10-12T08:12:00.001-07:00

There she goes again... Letting her mind drift off to a place she wish she could be... Living in her dreams... With so high hopes... Cuz she knows that her dreams would never disappoint her....

She is still waiting, waiting for a simple text message from him, so she would be At Least much happier than she used to be...

He was always what she wanted, the way he thinks, the things that they like, are just too much alike. She has been waiting for this guy since she first set her eyes on him. She knew she was in no position to get near to him because she was no one to him, because he was taken. She decided to move on having a little affection for him in her heart. All she could tell herself that she could look at him and admire him from a distance. She cared too much for this friend of hers, and will try to get information of him from her friends. People with eyes could feel that she have feelings for this guy. But, at that time she was taken too. All she did was create suspicion and there was no confirmation.

But, now it was a different story. He is not taken anymore, so is she. They landed together in the same boat... She thought she could finally have him all by herself... He liked her, so does she. They had a thing going on. And it means everything to her. But it seems like her feelings for him is much more stronger than how he feels bout her. He tells her that he needs time... She thinks that he is not ready to commit. She is scared. Living in fear. Because he could leave her anytime he wants, because both of them werent together.

She miss his face, she missed the taste of his lips, she missed the way he put her in his arms. But all of that just lasted for a day. After that day, everything seems back to where it is. She asked when will she him again? She said she'll miss him, and told him that he wouldnt even mind not seeing her for a week. He said he would mind. Its been more a week... and she hasnt seen him... she thought that he really cared, she thought that he would really miss her.... But, it seems like she has been giving herself too much expectations.

She tried a couple of times to find time to meet him...but all he did was turn her down... each time he does, her heart ached to the fullest... and soon...it became a habit... she got used to the pain... and sometimes would love the pain she had... and it was also a reminder to her, so that she still keep track of her breathing. She thought he would like her, treat her the way she deserve to be treated... But again. she got too much expectations...

She wished he cared more bout her, she wished he would really mean what he said, and would do his best to prevent her from getting hurt, and prevent her from shedding a single tear for him. But, no...he did none of those.

But, she never did gave up waiting.. waiting for the day when he would treat her the way she wanted to be treated... but till then, all she could do is do a playback what had happened on that day... the way he talks, he kissed her, he hugged her...

... Hawaian nite?....

2009-10-09T20:14:00.001-07:00

First I thought this party is gonna be a blast... But, we were late for the party.. We were told to be there at 630 pm.. but wound up.. we were waiting for each other...and we reached there around 9pm? Super late... So i thought it was a party...but the whole ambience seems so quiet...
Only five of us wore hawaian style... it seems so weird... but whatever... the party was okay...not all that fun... But yeah...it was when i get to know stuff... real stuff..

But whatever.. I trust him.. not believing all the crap people say...but... I hope its worth it.. why arent you replying my msg....what the hell is going on??? I am going insane now...I really am... Please Lord.... I need him badly.... I miss him so so damn much....

...Let's hit the pipelines baby!!....

2009-10-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

I've always go "gaga" over surfers... Surfers, both dudes or babes are just way rad to me...

Surfing would be one of the xtreme sport I so wanna try. That'll be the first thing I wanna do when I get to Australia... But one of the biggest fear I would have to face in none other than those really freaky Big Great Whites... Cuz they scare the hell outta me...

Though I dont really know much bout surfing, not a fan of pro surfers... ( Cuz I dont surf myself).. But I swear I'll get my chance to watch heaps of surf tournament, and know more bout surfing.

...I guess you feel this way?....

2009-10-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

"Vic, I came thru this song... It suddenly stroke me... I guess you feel this way?? ... i know it hurts... I am sorry... You'll get better soon.. I swear you will...."

Even though you're gone and far away,
I feel you all around.
I think about it every single day,
You got away somehow,

I can't sleep,
It's hard to breath,
And i still feel you next to me,
Now, i can see.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

Spinnin' like a movie in my head,
I've seen a thousan times,
I've learn to take it hard,
And fall instead.
I'm sittin' safe on the side lines.

Lost days,
Pictures fade,
Somehow, you're still miles away,
It's safe to say,

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

If someone brought you a falling star just to kiss you,
I'm out here on my own,
Better now than i was before,
But, i miss you, and i want you to know.

I can't sleep,
It's hard to breath,
And i still feel you next to me,
I can see.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart,
Whoa, oh, oh.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star,
Whoa, oh, oh.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart.
Your first love, yeah, you're so young,
And you feel like a fallin' star.

'cause i'm fallin' in the city,
It's burnin' out tonight,
You should be there,
But you've bettered your life.
Woah, oh, oh.

The first one is the worst one,
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart.

(First one-boys like girls)

....Never thought that it would be this good....

2009-10-05T22:30:00.001-07:00

I went out with my crazy friends yesterday... It was a blast... Life is so much better with you guys around... we took a hell lotsa pics... I am sorry darlings that everyone is waiting for the pics... The uploader in facebook is like some freaking bitch..been trying so many times... Patience is what all of us need I guess?? haha...

We went to tebrau city... Checked out a few shops... Looking for ideas for prom dress... I tried out a piece of damn beautiful black sequin dress... its a mini.. its look so good... but my back is some freaking problem...Pimple marks please make your way outta my back! After that we went to Roost for dinner... It was freaking awesome just laughing my ass off after from all the crying the previous night. Pei Shi and Ming Fan took really sweet pics too...
I am happy for her... Even though my heart feels so empty without him, but I know I have to stop myself from thinking of him... Cuz its gonna make me happier. Seeing them together makes me happy yet hoping he will be there with us.

I love hanging out with this bunch... From the left: Jason, me, Ming fan, Pei shi, Hui Qing and Kong Hao. Hope six of us could hang out like that next time. ...Extravaganza... Anyone interested? I just hope six of us will be there.

I could never understand what I am in right now, we have done what normal couples do, yet we arent one. I could never understand what type of feeling is this. Its fearful, cuz he could just leave me, without saying a word, cuz both of us arent a thing. I just see a vague line. Nothing clear. All I could see is I am falling for you so much deeper. I can't help it anymore.

Another he called yesterday. I guess he needed to talk to someone... I have to be there for him, cuz to him I was the only closest person in his life apart from his mother. Even though both of us broke up. He is still in pain every single day, telling me how much he missed the times we used to have. But, all I could feel is sympathy, I cried because I feel guilty, because I know someone like him dont deserve to have such pain. He deserve a happier life than this. I know that its isnt easy for him to let go, but, he just have to. All I could tell him is, people learn to cherish only when they lose the thing they love. Vic, please move away from that spot. I am far from that spot already, wish you could do the same. You're not any backup plan for me. You're just someone who I used to love. So I beg you, please... Let me go. That will be the biggest favour you could ever do for me.

We have to learn to move on

2009-10-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

Was going thru the blog posts I posted since last year. Looking back I realize how much I grown to know so many stuff in life. I fall in and out of love... I was broken, and back to a whole again..

" I am sorry. I did what you said, I read all the posts I posted for you, I was truly in love with you then. But, you didnt made me regret loving. At least you were someone much worth loving, you're no jerk. You're a nice guy, you're someone with good qualities. There are so many other gals out there, worth loving. And, I am not one of them, I am just someone who broke you really hard. I am someone who fell out of our love. I am someone who left our memories behind. I am not turning back anymore. I made the choice not to. Because, people move on. You got to be strong. Thank you for the things you did for me, thank you for praying for me all the time, thank you for being such a caring friend. And.... all we have between us now is just pure friendship. Nothing else. I have to admit that I am still a little use to you. I feel awkward without you. But, now I am starting to learn to get use to it. I am learning, and I am progressing in it. I hope you do the same..."

Angel, the things you said yesterday, shocked me. I sat there, not knowing what to do. My heart hurts so much, I cried so so hard. I havent done that for a long time. You said you cant do this now? You need time? I feel I know nothing about your thoughts, I dont even know what are you thinking. I guess you're not over her yet? I am not sure, cuz each time people tell you things bout her, you never fail to get cranky. why? You said you could never stay out of my life? Is it really true? I dont know why I feel so weak when I am with you. I cant even be harsh to you. Cuz the thought of you hurting, hurts me so much. Everything that happened on Friday, meant everything to me. Everything. I took it to heart. but angel, I have to tell you I cant do this anymore too... Because I have to stop hurting myself. Both of us need time. Both of us need time to get know each other more. If you really want this to be special, we have to know each other more. Lets not rush things anymore. Lets take it one step at a time. I have to tell you that I really enjoy talking crap with you, I enjoyed watching Janice Dickenson Modelling Angency with you. I enjoyed lying on your chest, enjoyed being in your arms, enjoyed kissing you, enjoyed talking things about each others' past, childhood...etc... I am happy that I am the one who knows buzz lightyer when you talk bout it. I am glad that you know bout fashion and I can talk to you bout anything.
PS: I read the nylon for guy.. there are a couple styles in there which I think you would look good in. I think you have that mag. Cuz I realize the music you told me to check out like delphic, we have band..etc..are all in there. lol.

For Tracey

2009-10-04T03:17:00.001-07:00

Tracey darling... Do forgive me for not visiting your blog often, do forgive me that i've been taken away by my hectic ass life, do forgive me for not being there when you're not down. Forgive me for everything. I miss you. I am happy that you are learning to be someone so much better than I am. Someone that I look up to and learn. Last time, you are the one who is constantly looking up to me, trying to stay strong in life. But, now I guess I am the one now. I look up to you. You changed within a year. Change to be someone better. Changed to be someone so much stronger. But, I guess I backed out, I surrenderred to my failures these days. I stopped striving, I stopped learning. Maybe I thought this was the only way I could not get hurt or get broken. I guess I chickened out.

I missed the days when we use to laugh out, I missed the days when I use to cry on your shoulders, I miss the days when we would talk about any shit, I miss the days we scream out loud and go crazy over our favourite bands, I miss the days when we would console each other. We were so so close. Yet, now, cuz of life, we are being pulled apart.

Tracey, I really really do miss you. After graduation, I promise you that we will hang out. Just the two of us rite? Lets go for a movie, and after that we can talk... alright? I love you sis... Please reply my blog post in your blog alrite? Love you. Muackzx!

Lips of an angel...

2009-10-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

The taste of your lips taste so good that I want to taste it again...... its like my own type of drug....
The way you treat me and hold me.... its nothing I've ever experienced before... and I loveeee it so effing much... I am falling so much deeper for you... angel... I am really in love with you... I cant control myself anymore, and I wont want to control....

Enough

2009-09-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

Enough already.. Please... Stop gossiping bout me, stop telling everyone I stole your boyfriend. For god's sake... Act like an 18 year old. ...

YOU EXASPERATE ME.

I am at it again.

2009-08-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

I guess I am at it again. Doing stupid things. Maybe I should wake up from this dream of mine. I am so close to being hurt, yet I cant pull myself out. I don't even know what am I doing to myself. I keep telling myself to get out of this fast but I cant. I just keep drowning.

I kept waiting,
It reminds me what I would do in the past,
waiting for someone who actually broke my heart,
yet,
I wont learn from my mistakes,
and I just kept going on....
I gotta get myself out.. I really have to.
I am so scared,
so afraid to get hurt,
I had enough of tears.

I dont know why I trust your words that easily,
I just trust you without even thinking twice,
please,
mean what you said,
please,
I dont wanna get hurt again..
Please.

The two best sisters you could ever ask for.

2009-08-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

You both could be the most annoying freaks I've ever know, but at the same time you both could be such wonderful darlings... I love you both so damn much!! You both know me best, forgive me for my emoness these days... I'll be back soon... I will... No worries k??? I couldnt thank God enough for giving me you both.

Shan, I might have quarrell with you like most of the time, likeevery single day over stupid pathetic stuff... But I still love you.

Rach, you've been the most selfless person I've ever met in my entire life, you are just so nice to us, especially me.I really love you for being such a darling. I love you so so much...

Sorry

2009-08-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for being so cranky these few days...

Things arent all that good for me...

I have not changed...

I am just not in a good mood, not in control with my feelings...

I have not changed...

I am sorry that I am selfish...

I am sorry for being rude...

Sorry for everything...
Yeah...

EVERYTHING...

I am not perfect...

I am not trying to be...

SORRY

I cant live without you guys

2009-08-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

Yipee... the hols is finally here... Pei Qi, Shi, Kong Hao... You guys are like the best people to hang out with, I dont know what to do without you all... You all really took care of me... I really dont know what to do without you all... really...

I gotta really thank Kong Hao for being such a nice nice nice friend, for fetching me home most of the time, knowingly, that there's a distance between my house and his, I really gotta thank him for everything.. A big HUG for you!!!! Thank you so much...=) and, between things you and hijau... I dont know.. just trust you insticts, but I really dont want to see you getting hurt again. Cz its not nice...

Pei Shi, I know you are going though a lot.. The pain and hurt, but always remember that I am always here for you... You can be strong, we are gonna teman you till the end.. We are going to be here with you, and you'll forget all the hurt you've been thru. Mr Talley seems to be nice guy, whatever it is, trust you insticts darling. That is all it matters, people can say all they want, just trust your insticts.

Pei Qi, you've been the child between us, but, you appear to be the strongest among us. Without you, Pei Shi and I wont be as stable as now, without you, we wouldnt be still laughing our ass off... Thanks to you darling that we're smiling and laughing again. =)

August its such a blast, this month has been really painful for us... It really is... Ha.. But, because of all those things that happened, it pulled our frienship closer.. Love you guys to bits!!!

I am such an idiot.

2009-08-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

Falling for someone is easy,
to believe someone seems so easy,
to be lied by someone seems easier.

Making decisions,
choosing,
its such an effort.

Sometimes we wish we dont even need to choose,
sometimes we wish we could have both,
but,
knowingly,
its way to greedy, its way to impossible.

Falling for someone else when you're in a relationship is wrong,
you broke someone's heart,
yet,
you dont even know whether you made the right decision,
the right decision to choose someone else,
yet,
you dont even know whether that person you chose will take care of your heart,
you dont even know whether it is worth it choosing that person.

I wish to drown myself in my sorrows...
I wish to be drowned by them,
I wish to stay there,
and not get up...

I give up....

I had enough....

I had enough pain and hurt...

Hoping time will past faster,
so I could leave this place,
leave all the hurt and pain behind,
live a new life some where else,
start afresh.

Forgetting every pain and hurt that I've been thru....

S3C2

2009-08-17T03:37:00.000-07:00

Life with you all has been quite interesting enough...

I am so happy right now, with everything and all...

Without you guys I would be so bored, so bored....

Fun time is over... Time for us to get back to studying... Back to the hectic life...

Time for us to put studying as our first priority...

This year is such a blast...

I couldnt thank you all enough...

Graduation examination is like a month away,

UEC 2 months away...

3 more months till graduation....

Everything is happening way too fast...

S3C2 has made the last year in FY so much fun for me....

Love y'all to bits....
+

happy with everything.

2009-08-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

I love you both darlings... Pei Qi and Pei See. After so many things, we are so close now... I am so happy with both of you, being great friends all the time... Making me happy whenever I am down.. We laugh together, go through difficulties together.. I couldnt be happier that we're so close now... I love you both darlings so much!
Pei Qi... Forever the small kid between us... Love you no matter what you are... You always made us happy...
Pei Shi... Forever the sporty gal... Love you as much as I love Pei Qi...

Silence

2009-08-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

A sudden silence.. After I made a decision even though it hurts, but it is my choice. My choice to be single, my choice to leave you, my choice to stop loving you.

I know it is hard to accept for you. But, you just got to.

It is my decision, it will be final.

From now onwards..

I will stop loving you.

I will keep you away from my dreams.

I will cast you out of my thoughts.

So please.... respect my decision.

Whatever it is.

It is gonna be this way.

I wont explain why did I did it. But I just did.

Please. Stop loving me like always, for I am not worthy.

So let me put an end to our forever.

Our story will just end by now.

Silence.

Music Music!!

2009-07-29T03:43:00.000-07:00

My addiction for music was just triggered by Paramore's new single " Ignorance". It is a pretty cool song.. to me. But, the melody was just somehow difficult to get.. weird though... Haha... I am also into some of these songs too...:
1. Iron and Wine- such great heights
2. Blue foundation- watch you sleeping
3. Daughtry- Poker face (cover song of lady gaga's poker face)
These are just some of the tracks that I personally like....

I am just waiting for the exams to end soon, so I can at least have some fun without thinking about disturbing exams.. the school anniversary, the food fair that is coming soon, society's anniversary... whee~~!! I wanna have fun before stupid finals and stressing UEC comes in the way...haha...

New moon please go on cinemas soon!!! I cant wait anymore!!!!!!!!!

peace

2009-07-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

I decided to make peace with her today afternoon, fortunately things well out pretty well. But, I never liked her boyfriend, for his is an absolute jerk. Disliked by most of the girls and guys, what a shame.

It is our general meeting today, everything went out smoothly, no scolding, etc...
However, it bores me very much as I have to show a stern face, which is not a very nice and easy thing to do. My life in the society has been really awesome, no words can be used to describe how much I love my darlings~~ they are just some of the people I would miss a lot after graduation.....

Next week is test week AGAIN!! It is really frustrating, somehow I have the eager to get good results.

I cant believe that I've been dozing off while writing this blog post. I am definitely burned out today. peace and chaoz~~~

Do you really love me?

2009-07-11T08:16:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I do wonder whether do you really love me, or maybe you're just taking me for granted. I am just like any other average girl who loves her boyfriend to be with her when he can, make her feel secure, make her feel loved. But, you don't anymore. Being busy is just a simple excuse. I could even count the dates we have after being together for a year. We just do the same old routine, making you feel sick and tired of our relationship. I love you so much, you have become my life now... But I guess you don't feel that strong for me anymore? I don't know. Hoping that I will be able to heal from all of this pain. Waiting for the day for you to be here with me, hug me. Truly love me.

Pissed

2009-07-06T02:26:00.000-07:00

I would consider today as a very bad start of my week. I am having Monday blues. I've been quite alright today at first, only the afternoon I somehow realized I've been used. Felt so used by someone. I hate how these people could come and stick so close to you when they need you, when they don't need you. They leave. I mean, this people are just main fakers. And I really display a great amount of hatred to those girls who act innocent in front of guys, and have what they want. These people can just die without living. This world is to conjested to have fakers such as this.

I just feel that I can't trust anyone anymore. Everywhere I go, I meet nasty people. I truly know that the society is filled with stupid nasty jerks and bitches everywhere. It is such a shame that I can't find any nice people around me.( except for my darlings)

I seriously need my darling friends around me right now when I am feeling like crap. I need my family, my lovely Victor, Alexandra, and ELS. This is where I actually feel home, where I feel comfortable. I really need a break.

Pulled muscle

2009-07-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

It was the first day of sports day yesterday. I ran the 100 metres hurdles, which I thought it was not that hard, AT FIRST. I thought I started off well, hopping every hurdle smoothly, until I lost count, and I went out of tempo, it was when I started making mistakes, crashing the hurdles with my legs, which left dark blue and purple on my sheen and thigh. It wasnt a plesant thing. At the end of the race, I didnt knew what happened, I pulled my muscle. I crashed on the floor. My thigh hurt like hell. The pain was excruciating, so darn unplesant. I kept crying. My particular reason for crying wasnt only the pain I had, but I was truly disappointed with my performance back there. The Paramedics from my school carried me to some tent, putting ointments on my thigh, I really wanted to scream out loud, the pain was so hard to take. They then put ice on it. All those stuff to at least take the pain away from it. But, it did help eventually. I leaped all the way to the bus stop to be fetched by my parents. It was my first and last year running on the field in front a great amount of spectators. The experience I had was really great, it was such a shame that I didnt manage to run the 4x100m and 4x400m. I was anticipating to run, unfortunately, with a pulled thigh muscle, I cant. The picture I posted was what I wore that day. Looks athletic to me somehow.

And, on Wednesday, I went for the Accounting Challenge which was held in Sunway. It was the second time I represented my school to take part in it. It was an awesome experience. We got the Third runner up. I was thrilled. It was really great, winning something for my school. Accounting might be a bore to some people, but to me, I actually find it quite interesting in some way. =)

Competition week is over. Finally. I am happy that it is. The next activity I'll anticipate will be tomorrow. I am going to pick fruits from my friend's orchard!!! It will be a blast especially with a hurt thigh. haha...

Peanut Butter and Chocolate

YAY!!! :D

1 more to go!!

Photoshoot

Facebook Statuses

You are my hope, Jesus

Don't give a damn

Well Rested! :)

Morning World.

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

My taeyoung?

Family Portrait

Valentine's Day 2011

Burlesque Inspired Make-Up?

Plaid Shirt & new hair colour

Missing my baby so much. :'(

Two weeks gone in a flash

Beautifully written

Those are the sweetest words evaaa!!! ♥

4 more days and i am finally 19

Singapore Trip

Crazy and exciting week! :)

Life has never been better!

No more Fun time to study!!

When was it since I stepped in??

Irony

Once its broken it will always be broken

Why is Paramore being discovered only NOW?!

...speechless...

Stilettos and women

Sungei Wang

Jesus is Awesome!!

I'll Miss you

having fun to the fullest!

Uni life?

CNY 2010

Valentine’s Day

Back to basics

Happy to be home♥

♥

Back to the same routine....

put a smile on your face though it hurts

Surprise!

Changed me?

whatever it takes

love=coffee

Life in Melbourne

Why is this happening?

having fun but miss home

Few more hours. =D

Christmas together.

swee nightmare

* Best of our lives*

The Final Verdict

new environment

*21days*

*the countdown*

Thanks guys... Muaks.

*I am sorry*

*Pics*

*need you to fill my void*

Bum?

Back to where I was

*drowning*

*i cant help it*

*two is better than one*

*i miss your smile*

*I keep you in my heart*

!!!wowness!!

I dont care

Zooey Deschanel

*Love Sick*

*Saving us*

FINALLY!

what am I suppose to believe in??

I kinda saw it coming.

.....I am trying...

None of us are perfect

i want you and no one else

...Should I be happy or Should I not?...

21days

the countdown

I am sorry

Pics

need you to fill my void

drowning

i cant help it

two is better than one

i miss your smile

I keep you in my heart

Love Sick

Saving us