A Day with darling. 31.12.08

Went out with Vic today. Another long waited date.
Vic wore a black and gray t-shirt which really looked good on him. Very good. Made him looked taller.
We watched Australia. Really a stunning movie, Hugh Jackman is really good looking and hot. NIcole Kidman is a really pretty lady but not as good Cate Blanchet.
After movie, Vic and I decided to go for Mcdonalds take away. I had a Mcchicken and he had a double cheese burger. We then went on the bus to Danga Bay.
Danga Bay was quiet. It was sunny for the first five minutes. And then rain drops started falling on my head. But it didn't bother me at all. I was having a great time with Vic. Just looking at him smile makes me happy. He is always so postive and encouraging. Both of us weren worried bout next year. The pressure. But all we have to do is pray extra hard and have faith for next year. Like what Pastor Rajan said.. Next year is a year of courage, challenge and change. The 3c's thats what he said. And I believe both of us can do well next year with God's blessing.
And Vic's mum wished me happy birthday, and I gave her my wishes too. She actually replied my message! I don't know why, but I like Vic's mum compare to so many mum's I met. ( Of course I love my mum more!) She is such a nice and soft lady, but strong in the inside too. Thats what I think she is. She is so nice!!!! I can't get over the fact! Haha...


Okay, my birthday. I did nothing actually. But I have to thank those people who gave me wishes. Vic was first, then Jia wen, Tracey( thanks sis!!! I love ya!! Mwah!), alexandra, mel, yivonn...etc. But sze nee forgot my birhtday and actually wished me today. = = But thankz anyway.

I gotta get going to watchnight service right now... Happy new year people!!!!
Enjoy new year's eve! =)

I am tired of this....

I dont understand why...
Each time I put down the phone I just feel like crying...
I tried hard and hard to tell myself its okay....
Why do I have to sound so hypo all the time,
and you just sound all so calm...
I am tired of this...
SO SO SO FREAKIN TIRED!
Why do I have to be so hypo all the time...
I just feel all weird at times...
I hate this feeling..
I hate it so bad...
I am tired really....
Tired!

Everything is back to where it belong.

Its been a long time since I updated my blog. I've been busy and that is an excuse. Actually there isn't anything to write. I just came back from my school camp. The Junior one orientation camp. It is indeed fun and enjoying. I got to see Vic for three days in a row, and he lost his cell during the camp. It made me really depressed. SO depressed. Part of it is because I can't contact him, I can't hear from him. I miss him so much. I am trying to use my brain to control myself instead of using my emotions. It is killing me, it really is. And I am telling myself to take this as a training for the future when we are far apart. I miss him so very much. Like a baby missing their blanket.

Christmas is like 4 days away. I adore this holiday season than any other. It brings back the family together where there is enough warmth, security. And most of all, Christmas is all about Jesus, celebrating his birth. Did some Christmas shopping. Getting gifts for people. Wrapping them nicely in beautiful gift wrappers. It is indeed a nice season. A season of sharing, giving and most of all, peace.

Its time for me to go back to school. Back to the Chinese environment. Just one more year and I could finally spread my wings and fly to where I like and where I wanna be. But in the last year its time to do my best. Get really good results and be a really good leader. The welcome party in my society is on the 24th of January, and I have to do preparations. I pray I'll do well. I never wanna disappoint anyone, at all.

Lastly, still... I miss Vic a lot. He has been occupying my brain since I said goodbye to him. I miss his smile, his voice, his laughter and most of all his kiss. I miss him so much. There isn't any word that could express how I feel about Vic and how much I miss him. I love him really much. I adore him. I love you Vic.

Lost to time once again.

My heart raced, as I travelled through the crowd, with a blue paper bag in my hand. As many thoughts ran through my head, searching for the most suitable way to give him a surprise from his back. But within a short time, there I was, standing in the chilly, less than 5 souls bookstore. The cold wind rushed through my arms, and gave me a slight shiver. I stood there, searching for one of the 5 souls.

There he is, standing there, with a book in his hand. He wore a white t-shirt and a brown Bermuda shorts. As usual, he was tall, lightly toned. Without letting time run away from my hands, I walked at a fast pace, as the cold wind was flirting with my plain yellow dress like blouse in the air. I looked at him, and smiled. As our eyes meet, he gave a beautiful and bright smile, which lightened up the dark room of my heart. He held my hand which brought so much warmth into my heart, and there I was tagged along and out of the chilly bookstore. As we walked on the concrete floors of the mall, all I could hear was my flats slamming against the floor, with a clicking sound. We talked, and looked at each other. My heart was overwhelmed with joy, as I could finally look at him in the face and talk to him. The feeling without seeing him for days and weeks was truly intense and agonizing. And now I could finally satisfy this emotions of mine.

We bought a ticket, and went straight to the food court. This place was bright, as there was a big large glass window which allowed the sun to pierce through and give light to the room. We sat by the window, I could feel the heat of the sunlight on my skin. We enjoyed the small boat like bowl of Lasagna. As time was ticking by, it was time for us to head in the movie theatre. We went up the stairs, the tearing sound which came from the ticket was loud. We sat in the red and spacious seat. The film rolls was rolling, the sound from the speaker pierced through the delicate ears drums of mine.

The movie was rolling, as Frank Martin shows off his moves in the movie, smashing the delicate heads of his rivals. However, Frank Martin wasn't that attractive enough to catch my attention, my attention was on the guy beside me. He streched his hands towards mine, giving me enough warmth. As our eyes meet each other once again, I was lost in his eyes, he moved his face close to mine, and touched my soft lips, the heat and sweetness burst into my mouth. It stayed for a long time. I lied on his chest, he hugged me securely, as we watched Frank Martin accomplishing his mission. His scent was euphoric. Time passed us by without us knowing.

After movie, we headed to Coffee Bean. The lighting of the room was dimmed. The smell of coffee went through my nostrills, giving an aromatic scent, the sound of chattering gave noise to the room. We ordered a cup of ice blended mocha. The drink was in a beautiful colour. The colour of the mocha was dark brownish, and the colour of the whipped cream brought the coffee a blend of white. We sat outside. The sun was bright, hot, and beautiful. The weather was in an irony condition, which made us loved it and hate it at the same time. The bustling sounds of the vehicles wasn't loud enough to cover our voices. The smell of urban air was everywhere. I sipped a small amount of coffee. It brought my coffee addiction alive once again.

I told my past, my jealousy. How I battled through jealousy and not letting it take over me. He told me how he fell in love with me. How it all happened. It felt like the moment of truth to me. It satisfied my curiousity. His words was sweet, heart warming. We looked into each other's eyes as we talked. Both of us was caught in each other's eyes, each other's thoughts. It was hard for us to turned away. It felt like it was an important time for us. We hoped in our hearts that this conversation didn't end. But, too bad, we lost to the time. It passed us by so fast, faster than lightning. It was so impossible to grasp time. Only fools would think they had a chance to win time. It was time for goodbye. We left the place, I walked him to the entrance. Gave a kiss on his cheek. And there, he was gone in the midst of crowds.

I walked through the bustling crowd, music from loud speakers wasn't enough to wake me up from what had happened just now. I was trapped in my thoughts. Lost in it. I played the tape back again and again. Trying to put myself back in the dream I just had. But I failed. I tried once again. Failed again. The feeling of missing him just came back once again. I started missing him once again.

My feelings are sure.

Today finally arrived. I finally got to meet Vic. I think I waited for almost a month for this day to arrived. It was insanely long. But finally I have to say, we met each other. We finally did.

He was there, standing in front of me, I couldn't believe my eyes that he is in front of me. I got to look at him clearly, he always had this grin on his face, that won't fail to put a smile on my face. He was still, as usual, smiling, cheerful.

I went to school for a meeting for some Junior one camp thing. I am part of the committee. In the food preparation group. Which Vic was also in the same group with me, thank God! =) My group leader is awesome, hypo, happy, serious at times though. Group members. Funny. Cool. They can be really nice people I think. I was happy there, being the usual me, laughing, being hypo. I met Vic's best friend Hong Qi. He is really a funny guy. Fun guy I think. Love my group.

After the meeting, me and Vic decided to sit down, and hang out. We ordered a drink, sat there, and just kept talking and talking.As he streched his hand towards mine. I felt warmth once again. Its like electricity travelling through my veins. It went straight to my heart. My heart melted once again. Seeing him smile, seeing him talk, seeing him sip his drink, I just hoped that this could stay for hours. I just don't want to be awake from this so called dream of mine. As I looked and stared, my heart raced, I was really sure, me, Nicole, was really in love with this guy in front of me. I was irrecoverably in love with Victor. As he smiled, he lightened up the room. Everything was perfect. My love for him just kept deepens. He is perfect to me, because the good in him had just covered all the flaws from him. His heart and love was true.

This love that we both are having now, could be perfect if we think it is. Perfect in an imperfect way. There are hardships, but we both are determined to go through all of these with God's guidance and go through this together.

Right now, I could be really sure, I was really, truly in love with this guy, Victor. I adored him a lot. And it will still continue to breed inside my heart, till it take over half of my heart, which the other half has been occupied by my Lord and Saviour Jesus.